Let me get straight to the point. Today, I had a friend tell me that I remind them of another person in my life, even though they are distant in my life, they are there, and it was like my whole world came crashing down.
I spent much of my adult life being compared to my mother and I’m nothing like my mother, but because I look like her, the comparison’s were made.
I was crushed.
Here I was sitting in the safety of just being who I am and bam, said one thing and the comparison was made.
Here’s my question / comment / observation / psychosis:
Knowing that there is no place for blame today. The concept of blame is futile, it gets you no where and just starts fires where growth is possible.
It’s all about responsibility.
They are my feelings that I let get hurt. I can’t blame my friend for not knowing how frightened I was of that comparison, because you know, this other person is bat shit crazy in my opinion and really when you understand their life, it’s easy to get to compassion and still maintain a healthy distance.
Do I want to stab myself in the left temple with a HB pencil for even letting their trigger from one word that I used to land the comparison. Yes.
As anyone who is a regular reader of my blog, you will understand this is how I process with the mind that,with my processing, it may help someone on their journey away from WTF to “peace brother” said in a really mellow voice.
I have to own that energy goes where attention flows. I caused my feelings to be hurt because I was worried about that comparison from day one, and I really have no cause to be.
I’m not bat shit crazy, I am not motivated by the same things, I am in a different country, I have a good handle on who I am and what I want in my life and I’m REALLY REALLY good at living in my now.
So in processing, where my original reaction was to go and run the other way thinking there’s no point in taking part in the friendship if that’s the comparison, doomsday had arrived, towards the end of my day I get to see the gift of what just happened:
“Manda, you idiot, you asked for it by constantly thinking about it, it arrived, you didn’t like it, work it out, get over yourself, THEN take away any responsibility that anything you do or say that may have your friend go into their own vortex of hell. That’s their shit, not yours.”
And there in my lovely reader, is how you get over yourself in one easy lesson.
We can only take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions.
It is just creating a whole bucket of unnecessary drama if you want to take responsibility for other people’s stuff. They’ll be ok, you just keep being you and everything will even out as it’s meant to.
Ta ta for now