This one is going to be a little bit deep and a little bit long…. so get a cuppa and your iPAD and settle in.
So in the last six weeks, I’ve had a lot of rejection come my way, but the rejection didn’t really make itself big and ugly and sitting on my brow until Saturday just gone.
Now, for those of you who might be reading this who haven’t yet learned to trust that the Universe will provide, firstly when you ask, and secondly when everything falls into place, then this is going to be a good read for you.
I have learned that you cannot force the Universe, you seriously have to relinquish all control to ‘them’ so that they may do their job and line everything up for you so that your request can be met. I am very good at it now, so please keep me at the front of your brain if you struggle with it, and know that I’m saying over and over and over again ‘hand it to them…hand it to them…hand it to them’.
So as to not make this post 2 hours long, there are 17 situations and incidents that I can recall over the last 6 weeks where you could put a little sticky note on my body saying ‘rejection’. With them all strung out, I didn’t realise that they were rejection incidents.
The nail in the coffin so to speak was last week when I decided to invite everyone on my facebook list, some 1000 + people to the very first ‘pay to play’ webinar for the Goddess Imperative – topic – Connecting with your Sexual Indentity. It’s a topic we’ve been discussing on the radio show this last few weeks.
Anyway, decline, decline, decline kept coming through as a notification on my screen and it just made me feel awful.
Next… now…I take full responsibility for my reactions to everything I have; as I’ve said before, you have a fear response and a love response…. Well, I got that fear response, saddled it up and went for a bit of a ride….through the Himalayas.
So, this is the first notch in the belt for the Universe. It showed me that I clearly needed to work on a FEAR OF REJECTION – even though my human thought I was over it. Then the memories of the last six weeks started to come on thick and fast, and BANG, I knew why I was going to the healing circle on the Sunday.
Go to the Healing Circle – we work on BEING and with the homeopathic essence we worked with and the visualisation – my intent was to understand why I hated myself with my fear of rejection – and the visualisation gave me the word SHAME and then my face went all hot and red like I was embarrassed.
Honestly, it didn’t make sense.
I got some more validation in the 2nd part of the circle, but still came away with the ‘doh, I didn’t get to the bottom of it’.
Roll on Monday, still dealing with my rejection issues and start to get cranky about it, but let it manifest as just not being normal smiley self, go to the bank and have the outcome from yesterday’s blog.
AHA moment on what it means to not give a flying fahooty what people think – it requires a level of oblivion that I’m just not capable of. #GARFSNORT.
Get on facebook and post my blog to the Queensland Bloggers Group I belong to, and get a dialogue going with a school teacher of mine who reminds me I can tune into it and tap it out…but I needed something concrete to focus on, so I decided I’d go to sleep and it will show up when it was ready.
SEE THAT….HANDING IT OVER TO THE UNIVERSE…NO CONTROL.
Come today, still feeling a bit meh, and Anne Aleckson, you know the famous channeller – I know her, she’s lovely, kudos to me for knowing a famous person. LOL…. where was I, oh yeah, Anne….
Well, she posts a question about a memory jogger, and the memory that came to me was the one I’ve been asking for and waiting patiently to arrive.
Knock me over with a box of Kleenex.
It arrived this morning, I got to sit here in the privacy of my office, hold that memory, and thanks to Madonna for reminding me to tap it out, that’s what I started doing, and thank God for that, the emotion that I had locked up since I was 12 in Grade 8 at Everton Park State High School came out and I tapped and I tapped and I tapped until I knew it was time to stop.
I then called the person’s energy who perpetuated that memory to me using the Ho’Oponopono technique and cut the energy ties, forgave them and watched them leave with the energy that had started my rejection issues. It was their’s not mine!
I then also forgave my mother because there was a residual anger at her for not paying attention to my life and guiding me as a mother ‘should’ for a daughter going into puberty.
Let’s just take a step back for a second….here’s the memory.
I was sitting on the top of a the bag racks under H block in grade 8. It was sports day, I had my sport shirt on. I have always been alot taller than other’s, so I had a level of confidence that I was happy with, I was one of the kids the got on with all the groups. This girl, who was in Grade 10 and very short and very round, who was considered one of the toughies came up to me. At first I was horrified thinking she was going to start a fight, and she gave me a really nice compliment about how pretty I was and then yanked that compliment away as quick as it came by making a comment about me needing to wear a bra because of something to do with my developing chest. She laughed so hard and nodded her head up and down like she’d just scored a goal from the 3 point line in basketball and had her friends around her and they laughed too and then walked off.
So, this is where the red cheeks and fiery face came from in the circle and the shame. Puberty is really rooted when you think about it from a 12 year old girls point of view.
As soon as I’d finished the Ho’Oponopono, the calm kicked in and I’m now without emotion about it and I am confident that the last six weeks has been worth every day and every incident of rejection.
HONESTY MOMENT BUT WITH A GREAT OUTCOME: My dead people also showed me where my ‘anger’ at really obese people came from. The girl that said what she did was very overweight to the point where she had an altered gait to carry her weight. As I’ve gone through my adult life and had someone very obese people show up or walk passed I remember being horrified at the thoughts that came into my head and then having the human me go “oh my God, where did that thought come from?” It wasn’t how I felt in my heart. It was from this incident when I was 12. I am now so glad to have my heart matching my head when it comes to obese people. I would also say now that this will help me clear the way to 100% loving myself because the anger about ‘fat people’ will no longer buy into my self talk about hating myself for being fat.
Just for the Universe Jigsaw people… the two stand out people in helping me get to where I needed to go: Anne and Madonna, both have connections to Everton Park State High School, but are absolutely NOT in anyway related to this incident. It’s just how puzzle pieces show up. They are part of connecting the dots and the Universe shows these things to you to say “see, here’s a little bit of how we get you to a place of feeling safe to go through what you need to go through.” Points of similarity or things in common if you will, create a sense of safety and trust. That’s another thing I asked the universe for, please make the journey gentle…. and so they did.
Let’s see how things pan out shall we?