When you get on the personal development train and you start looking for the leaders with whom you resonate the most, you then find your happy place full of conviction to do the hard work and get you through.

You look at these people and think they are so together and you want their life.  For all intents and purposes, what you are seeing is the truth. You are seeing their awesome life and you want want want some of that.

Little tip – energy doesn’t lie – so you’ll quickly realise if someone isn’t walking the talk.

I remember the day I was sitting at my computer feeling like my life was so abundant. I went to do my book work and went into my business account and there was $8.94 in there.

I laughed.

Yes. Laughed.

My first thought was crap, how am I physically going to be able to explain to someone that my life was full of abundance and is abundance and I’ve got $8.94 in my account?

Those little bits of gold you’ll so often hear about you have choices on how you feel and living in the now and blah blah blah.

So yes, that day, I was speaking my truth and loving my life with $8.94 in my account.

Let me talk to you about this week.

This week, all the stars aligned for me to feel like I needed to dig someone’s eyes out with a blunt spoon on Wednesday.  I was so angry. SO angry that I couldn’t sit still, I didn’t want to speak to my husband, it was all I could do to get out monosyllabic instructions out to my children. Shush! Bed! Teeth! BED!! NOW!!!

Let me put it to you in a nutshell, of someone who has a good handle on her life.

Everything landed on MY plate. (My feelings, my perceptions, my fears, my insecurities, my intolerances).

  1. I feel like I am not heard in my home.
  2. I feel like I am not heard in my friendships.
  3. I feel like I belong no where or to anyone.
  4. My husband said something profoundly cruel to our 10 year old and I was struggling to get passed the idea that they had their own relationship that is none of my business. Please note: my fear as it initially showed up was that it was a deal breaker for me and if I couldn’t get passed it what if I couldn’t love my husband anymore and I signed up for the rest of my life. That’s what a trigger will do to you. What he said, to any other person, would not have sounded cruel.
  5. I am a doer and have been told to become a quality be-er and I am not getting to be.
  6. My business has all this amazing content and the overwhelm of getting it out and to whom and how, put me into a state of blinding inactivity.
  7. I live in such a state of abundance and everyone in my personal space operates out of lack, how am I going to manifest my dream life for us if you are going to continually look at the half empty cup?
You see, I am up to week three of my Lucky Bitch Money Bootcamp and the things you work through to get you to your next level of income are significant. I’m ready for six figures. I’m ready NOW. 
I came here today to write about the level of anger I got to on Wednesday night and how much it disturbed me, because it was so significant I wanted to get on a plane and fly anywhere just to get away from everything and everyone. 
Look what’s happened though. Part of this week is working through sabotage behaviour. I think I’ve just established my sabotage.  Let everything you are ordinarily fine with, that the ever evolved Manda can sit and smile and give a loving rub on the shoulder saying “it’s alright chicken, that’s your shit, you’ll get through it” and it all landed and coated me like I was a statue in the botanic gardens of Middle Earth with really REALLY big dragons. 
I might have to go and change the heading to “Why triggers are triggers but they might not be the trigger you think they are triggering.”
I am pleased to say after the Kitchen Table Networking function yesterday where Lisa Murray reminded me to make sure my allowance for my amazing life is always greater than my awareness of someone not being at the same point, being able to say to Juli DuBois “but I think this is bad enough for me to stop loving him” crying and snot ensued, a good nights sleep and a couple of my chickens bright yellow eggs for breaky, I am sane enough to get stuck into the work and BE.
So people, if you are struggling with your personal development and you have these leaders around you that you think they have got it all together and then some, trust that they are human too. Trust that your human and their human are not two different species of dinosaur.

As Juli reminded me, life is a pendulum, when you do PD work and you think you have to get to the positive as quick as possible you are controlling the anger, resentment etc.  If you are controlling that, then you are controlling your joy as well.  So let that pendulum swing baby.  I’m super keen for the pendulum swinging the opposite direction from where it was two days ago, because that’s going to be amazing!

Peace out…