To say this trip has been life defining is an understatement.  Here I was thinking it was to see how Juli and I operate together in the same space and if we would get on together as well as we do over Skype 24/7. Well, we established that within 48 hours.  We relaxed into each other immediately and the same with me and Juli’s family.  I know that with whatever happens in 2014 we can co-exist, no issue.

My soul sister is Juli. Juli is my sister and I am hers. The one she knows will love her no matter what, until the end of time and then some.

This has been the longest time I have been away from my husband and children since the boys have been born.  I thought I had it handled until I woke up this morning and had a sudden pang of “I want to go home.” I sent a text to my lovey for him when he woke up in my afternoon and bugga it, he was awake and then told me about the concert that our eldest was in last night and how amazing he was, to the point of saying “where did this come from, he must have got it from his mother”, and I missed it.  Well, sobbing ensued.

Oh yeah, this is going to be long… you might want to grab something to drink and something to eat and settle in.

When you are a mother, there are so many aspects of who you are that you are taught through either words, judgement or energy about who you are, who you are supposed to be, and how you are supposed to do things.

There is not one day that passes that I am not grateful for my husband. To have chosen me to grow old with. Someone who loves to travel, loves her business, loves different experiences as well as loving her home and her children and him.  Our foundation is rock solid.  My lovey isn’t a traveller and likes other experiences but in Australia and he is a Cancer. He gets homesick after 3 days. 😉  All those judgements about how a mother should be, gets nullified in my life because my kids have two parents who can protect, provide, love and nurture. Today though, knowing I missed seeing my son be that awesome live is breaking my heart. Donny bought the DVD that they will produce so I will get to watch it over and over and over with Tim when I’m home and tell him how amazing I think he is.  I’m so excited for his future because of the little man he is.

I chose to spend the rest of my life with my husband. He chose me to spend the rest of his life with me. Women dream about having a union with a man or partner that is completely fulfilling where both people get to be who they really are, and acknowledge the difference and exist in such a profound state of love as easily as taking a breath. We have two children together who we love exactly the same and are truly a united front as the Fabulous Foysome. This team of four is my life, regardless of where I am in the world.

Next bit, Juli’s partner Jase.  The story with this man is monumental, and Juli and I will be sharing it in it’s entirety sometime in 2014. For me though, I have the big brother I always wanted. I have the brother that loves me unconditionally, knows and understands what I am doing, wants to protect, love and nuture and encourage his sister because he can see how great she is on those couple of moments where she might waiver.  This man also in return has realised that I am his sister.  The sister he has wanted to love him, and support him in all that he is 24/7.

Never underestimate the timing of when people show up in your life and never question the energy that allows these agreements to exist. Especially where no genetics exist.

Remember the 16 years was worth the wait post. Ian, my friend from Canada.  This man has known me for 16 years. He knows everything about me, who I am, what I am about.  I got to spend time with him in my physical presence and for both of us, it was hard not to hold hands the whole time. Everything that I had to heal within myself about being terrified of meeting him because of everything I had been conditioned to understand about men in my life changed because of our soul agreement. You see Ian is beautiful. Like chronically beautiful, inside and out. When you feel the connection energetically over 16 years, and with my story about how things can change on a dime with men, having him see me in real life and my story going to a place of panic that he wouldn’t like me was very real and REALLY terrifying. There is a book in this somewhere, because I can now live and speak about having a relationship with a man that is completely platonic, completely open, honest, completely comfortable with my for eternity soul mate. When he got home to Canada he sent me a message through a general conversation telling me how beautiful I was. Sobbing ensued. As it does now, bugger it.

All societies rules about men and women and expected outcomes is a load of shit. You have enough love within you to have a heart connection by honouring agreements and going to a place of acceptance that just provides you complete peace and those moments where you feel like your heart could burst.

I have my heart family in place now, and expecting another sister and brother to show up today when our friends BB and Larry arrive in from Texas.  I expect by Christmas that my heart family will just be my family without any disclaimers or the need to explain to anyone.

Unless you have been living off the grid, you’ll know about the flooding here in Colorado. There has been mass destruction and devastation in the state. I was checking emails yesterday, and saw one from my mother. I opened it expecting to have to let her know I was ok. No, it was about my father’s new website going live and a group email.  For research purposes only, when talking to the boys on skype yesterday I checked to see if they had rung to see if I was ok. No.

Please know I have had to do a great deal of work with my family of origin over the years. I cleared a big thing very early in this trip thanks to Juli.

I should have got the heads up when I sent them all a note to let them know my good news six weeks before coming to the USA and no response and then catching up on Father’s Day to have them “say how was America?” Um… I haven’t left yet.

So you see, their nil interest in making sure their daughter and sister hadn’t been washed away has not been lost on me, but it also has solidified in me why I have Don, Tim, Chris, my mother-in-law Betty, Juli, Jase, Colter, Ian and I am convinced without a doubt after today BB and Larry.  I have Jacinta in Ipswich. I have Debbie in Minden. I have Alisa in Sydney, I have Cathy and Sheens in South Africa. I have Emmy in Hervey Bay. I have Silvia in NY. I have Allison in Brisbane. I have Cordelia in Brisbane. I have Mike in England.  I have Rod, Cas and May King in Brisbane. I have Jodine in New Zealand. I have my genetic cousins Daniel, Erin and Laura and their Mum Helen.

I have it all and then some.

Goddess of the Imperative