…curators are meant for art galleries, not for creating individuals…
CURATE verb
cu·rate |
ˈkyu̇r-ātˈ, ˈkyər-; kyu̇-ˈrāt \
curated; curating; curates
transitive verb
1: to select (the best or most appropriate), especially for presentation, distribution, or publication
Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary
You’re older; you should know better.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You don’t want to upset your father, do you?
What will people think?
Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
You’re making that up, there’s no way you could feel like that.
You’re just doing that for attention.
You have to go to Church, or you won’t go to Heaven.
Look what you’ve gone and done now; you made Daddy leave because you didn’t stop crying.
You better get good grades; you are representing the family name.
I don’t have time for your whinging.
You need to lose weight. You need to put on weight. No, you’re too fat.
That’s too much makeup; you look cheap. Natural is better; you won’t ask for trouble then.
Cover up; you don’t lead men on!
You’re so mature for your age.
You need to suck it up.
He works so hard, and we don’t want to irritate him or make him mad.
He’s been abandoned by every woman in his world, and we have to put him first.
I grew up in a violent home; we don’t raise our voices here or answer back.
Know your place.
You ask for so much; what have you done for me today?
After everything I’ve done for you?
A thousand moments in time telling you that you don’t belong, you are obligated to others, if you speak up, you create chaos. You’re responsible for everyone’s happiness.
You’ve never had a successful outcome when you’ve allowed your organic self to surface since you were a child, and therefore there’s not one moment of validation available to know and understand who you are, let alone love that person.
Introducing: THE PEOPLE PLEASER RECOVERY HUB
Redefining your sense of self to support you in your post-people-pleasing world.
You’ve been conditioned to put yourself stone-motherless-last.
It ends today.
For the woman who’s sick and tired of being made to feel like she’s a man-hater just because she speaks up for herself.
For the man who has to maintain being tough to be seen to fulfill his role as ‘leader of the pack’. Hint, you’re human, not a wolf.
Now is the time to begin speaking up for yourself and feeling safe and respected in that environment.
Now is your time to cut loose all those past curators ‘how to fit in safely’ rules of engagement notes that hid the real you back when it wasn’t safe for that little person to have needs.
Now is your time to learn How To Stop People Pleasing by excavating the foundation reasons why you became one in the first place.
Welcome to the era of you.
Find Your Voice and Use It. Speak Your Truth and Own It. Finding and Loving You. Safely.
Let’s get real. It’s not that you haven’t tried. You’ve read every book about learning to say no and how the ego is your enemy. You followed the good old Law of Attraction gurus who told you (over and over) that your reality is the one you created. You watch gurus who embody boundaries on social media like a hawk, buying the books they recommend, using the EFT tapping scripts they use to say they’re worth it.
All in the name of trying to embody your personal power, and all you want to do is stop feeling like you’re teetering on the edge of burnout and learn how to say no without your world caving in.
But none of it has worked.
So maybe you’ve added therapy sessions, or you’re addicted to self-help courses because the program steps give you a hit of the reward chemicals because they describe your life.
Maybe you added in alcohol, makeovers, personal training and diets, chocolate, bubble baths, oysters, champagne and still nothing.
That’s because what you’ve been doing hasn’t even scratched the surface.
I’m here to take you deep into healing your emotional + energetic trauma around being a people-pleaser.
Say It With Confidence: I am ready to redefine my SELF.
SAYING NO MORE
FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
A swan on the surface but treading water to stay afloat. On the outside, you’re a high-functioning person.
You’ve got the house, the kids, the car, the job – but behind closed doors, your feet are going a million miles an hour trying to keep yourself upright.
The “I should be grateful” statements aren’t having the same impact of pulling you out of your latest funk.
You maybe even one of the folks who believes you had a good childhood and shouldn’t be a people pleaser because it doesn’t make sense.
That feeling of treading water is suffering.
And that suffering is making you sick.
There’s three entry points to this work, depending on what you feel like you’re ready to commit to.
The People Pleaser Healing Circle is the global community where you have small bite size elements of healing to make the journey gentle.
The People Pleaser Recovery Hub is where you go to do the root cause work to break up with your people-pleasing for good.
The People Pleaser Coaching Program for those who are eyeballs deep in the collateral damage of a life of people-pleasing and need 1:1 support to navigate through the storm.
Get A Life That’s In Alignment With You, for the FIRST Time In FOREVER.
HOW IT WORKS
My People Pleasing Programs are designed to help you break free from the cycle of people-pleasing by understanding its underlying causes and providing you with the necessary tools for recovery. Understanding people-pleasing means understanding that people-pleasing is a coping mechanism that can be outgrown, and my programs aim to guide you on that journey.
Many individuals who identify as people pleasers find fulfillment in putting others’ needs ahead of their own, believing it aligns with their values and portrays kindness. However, I encourage you to consider an alternative perspective: your choice to prioritize others may stem from a deep-rooted desire to ensure your own safety and well-being. People pleasers possess a remarkable ability to assess risks in relational situations and prioritise their own ‘safety.’ This behavior is driven by the conditioning you received as a child to be a ‘good girl or boy.’ Your body and brain have adapted to this survival mechanism, which may be challenging to acknowledge. It’s important to understand that the definitions of safety ingrained in your system were formed during your developmental years and may no longer serve you in your current life.
The disparity between people-pleasing as a coping mechanism and living in alignment with your values lies in the fact that people-pleasing is a fawning response, indicating that your brain perceives a lack of safety in those moments.
One of the struggles faced in recovering from people-pleasing is the self-awareness of having engaged in people-pleasing behavior again, leading to self-criticism and negative emotions. The good news is I provide emotional strength training options to help you recognize the source of the perceived threat, enabling you to regain control and avoid spiraling into self-loathing.
The programs are designed to accommodate individuals seeking answers, whether you’re an experienced personal developer or currently experiencing burnout due to your belief that niceness is the only acceptable way to interact. There’s three entry points into the work:
- The People Pleaser Healing Circle: This option is tailored for those who identify as people pleasers and want to understand the underlying reasons behind their behavior. It provides the anatomy of why you’ve just pleased again and the techniques to facilitate a swift shift away from people-pleasing patterns with weekly small energy healings you can listen to in your own time.
- The People Pleaser Recovery Hub DIY: This option is ideal for individuals who prefer a DIY approach and are willing to invest time in uncovering the root causes of their people-pleasing tendencies. The Hub offers comprehensive steps and resources for self-guided healing, allowing you to navigate your journey at your own pace.
- The People Pleaser Recovery Hub LIVE PROGRAM: For those who thrive in a community setting, this option provides a guided journey with the support of a community. You will have the opportunity to process your experiences, connect with others who share similar struggles, and receive guidance along the way. With three to four cohorts offered annually, this is where we team come together as a group of likeminded people with all the support to make tracks.
Finally, this work goes beyond mainstream courses and programs by addressing the significant aspects of people-pleasing that others may overlook, and that’s how trauma becomes stuck in your cells and keeps you stuck in loops of pleasing and coping. When you’re ready to delve deeper into your people-pleasing patterns, all the tools and support will be there to guide you through these essential stages of your recovery.
THE SECRET SAUCE | THE MISSING PIECE OF THE PUZZLE
THE GOOD GEAR | THE FOY FACTOR
The voice vibration therapy (vvt) part.
“The what?” I hear you ask. In 2009, I developed an energy therapy based on the science that vibration can shift blockages in the body. Together with my natural gift of being able to see trauma stuck in my clients’ body. The spoken word with a unique intention I set through all my teachings and sessions finds stored trauma and brings it to the surface. The work has various iterations known as Emotional Strength Training and Demanking®, and in my inner circle, we call it ju-ju. All I know is it brings results, all I know is that clients have reported over and over and over again that the things keeping them stuck no longer do. Their sense of freedom and capacity to stay present in their every moment expanded. Over 42,000 plays of my sessions and teachings since 2016 on SoundCloud will hopefully give you that first layer of evidence to validate why this unique process works. And, until I commission my research institute to prove my work scientifically, let’s say this is the highest quality placebo effect you can achieve in your life.
The theory behind this part of the process is that it will prevent resentment from building. When you look at the anatomy of a people pleaser journey, life blows up at different points because the resentment lands. When that happens your world connects with burnout or having to quit a job, friendships, or family because you cannot sustain being used and taken advantage of anymore.
This work will help you see the patterns – which most self-help offers – the awareness AND then the true power play kicks in when you implement the Voice Vibration Therapy (VVT). It lifts the trauma response, the incomplete loops behaving like velcro to keep you stuck. Your choices and empowerment become more meaningful and long-lasting.
If you’ve said, “this is not who I want to be anymore” at any stage in the last three to sixty years, this is the new beginning, the new way of truly understanding your behaviours and unhitching the wagon for good.
…your journey…your well-being…your timeline…
How Long Do I Need?
People-pleasing has so many layers we could have a geologist on staff, and that’s why this concept is ‘as long as you need’ membership with a protocol to begin your journey, a pathway to do the deep healing, and if you need a community, that’s there too to help you process and preserve your peace. Your initial investment covers you for a year, and then you move to the ‘as long as you need’ monthly subscription to utilise the tools in the Peaceful AF Energy Library or to join in on another live round if you’re ready to go deeper. Your journey…your well-being…your timeline. I have built it this way because of the foundation teaching ‘new level, new devil’…
I will share a quick story with you as I built this webpage and the program for you… trigger warning sexual harassment …
Even though I class myself as a recovered people pleaser, one unorchestrated incident came out of the blue for me in September 2022. I had to switch back to ‘recovering people pleaser.’ The out of the blue incident showed me just how fast I resorted to fawning when I found myself in a ‘dangerous’ situation that I didn’t create. It had been 25 years since I experienced anything similar to that situation. I was sexually harassed by an opportunistic ‘predator.’ This man, my supplier’s husband, decided to ask me to show him my boobs and then started talking about his preferred method of killing was with a knife versus a gun. My immediate response to the sexual harassment was a trauma response instead of being able to tell his man off with how out of order he was. My risk management skills kicked in, and I went straight into a fawn response. In a nanosecond. I tried to change the subject, tried to ignore his request, said no to the second and third request to show him my boobs, even after he showed me his. What felt like probably about five minutes was likely just a couple, and I politely said I had to go and left, as he reprimanded me for not finishing the drink he’d made me. The second part was it took me 36 hours to tell my supplier, what had happened versus the 28 years it took me last time. My supplier was someone I respected and admired. Even though I knew I was at risk of losing the relationship based on all my other lifelong evidence of losing women from my life because of their husbands, I knew I had to step into my healing and teachings and implement where I didn’t implement last time. I did end up losing the relationship down the track because the wounds connected to that unorchestrated even were too deep for me to be a part of. The gift, embodiment of boundaries and what it looked like to stay in my value system of respect and open and honest communication regardless of anyone else’s capacity.
In short, when you’re dealing with trauma, your people-pleasing life is always going to be a work in progress. What happens is the episodes just get further and further apart. Your ability to pick yourself up, heal and carry on becomes quicker and quicker and quicker. No matter what point you join the work, you will achieve results both subtle and ‘holy guacamole Batman’. You will be able to quieten that rabbit brain that can put you into a spin when you don’t know what to do in any given situation.
The People Pleasing Protocol and the pathway that is the Recovery Hub is my reason for being here. I have healed my people pleasing and I went the long way around. You don’t have to. I will show you the patterns as clearly as the eye twitch that shows up every time you think today is the day you’re going to say no.
Anyway, back to YOU!
A People Pleaser journey is like a fingerprint,
Everyone is different.
The only aim is ….
Knowing Your Voice.
Knowing Your Values.
Knowing Your Worthiness.
Redefining your sense of self
To recalibrate the sense of safety
In being YOU 100% of the time.
WHERE DO YOU FIT IN THE PICTURE?
…most people come into my world with their
people-pleasing at different levels…
Let’s see what resonates with you!
This is you if some or all of these make sense to you:
- You’re at a loss for where to start.
- You know you’re a people pleaser and don’t know how to stop.
- You struggle with how to say no in some or all parts of your life.
- The stress you feel at the idea of letting anyone down makes your heart race.
- You’re on the verge of burnout, or you’re already there.
People-pleasing is known as fawning in the psychology world; for everyday people, it robs you of your ability to stay on top of everything you say yes to.
There’s a good chance you are unsure if you’re being a nice person or if you’re a people pleaser putting yourself last because you like being nice to others. (It’s my love language, DAMN IT)
This was me! I kept telling myself being there for others was just who I am, and I don’t want to change that part of me.
Here’s what you’ll learn to help you move from Starting Out to Awareness Level 1
- Who are the people involved
- Your values structure
- Identifying the safety factor syndrome
- What’s your evidence
- Is it truth or trauma
+ more …
This is you if some or all of these make sense to you:
- Can’t pinpoint a connection between your people-pleasing and childhood trauma
- You grew up in a loving family home
- You don’t have any obvious examples of trauma until you were older
- You have a disproportionate response to your sense of duty, roles, responsibility, and obligation
- You don’t allow yourself to get angry, and you suppress it
- You don’t know what healthy anger is; any anger is destructive.
So, you might say things that sound like this:
- I love my family, but I often wonder if they adopted me, I’m so different from them.
- I love my family, but I cannot align with their attitudes.
- I love my family, but I don’t think they understand me very well.
- I love my family, but they’re so judgemental.
- I love my family, but I know I can’t say too much about what I believe in. It always creates problems.
The People Pleaser Pathway, Protocol, and Recovery Room is how you can start to join the dots:
Here’s what you’ll learn to help you move from not having a clue about the missing pieces to starting to make the piles of colour to understanding:
- Who are the people involved
- Understanding conditioning
- Understanding how marketing plays a part
- The importance of your appearance number in your family of origin
- Another layer of truth v trauma
- What’s the evidence of your relationship with boundaries and saying no
- The reframe experience.
- What covert trauma is
This is you if some or all of these make sense to you:
- You’ve been the voice or reason, the peacemaker, for a long time.
- You procrastinate because you run scenarios of what could go wrong like a ninja.
- You do everything yourself because it’s just easier if you do it.
- You know, to the core of your being, what it feels like to walk on eggshells.
- You describe yourself as a people person because you’re great at reading people.
The People Pleaser Pathway, Protocol, and Recovery Room is how you can start to join the dots:
- Understanding the intrinsic truth of the connection with safety and people-pleasing
- Unravelling your relationship with joy and dysfunctional confirmation bias
- Understanding your compulsive need to bring joy and peace to others at the expense of your self
- Understanding your relationship with abandonment and rejection
+ more
This is you if some or all of these make sense to you:
- You feel the most validated when you hear the good-girl-boy message
- You are always the last one to leave work to get everything done at the highest level
- You’re in an industry that involves providing people joy or a great experience
- You run scenarios of what could happen if what you’re making perfect isn’t perfect
- You may be experiencing burnout and exhaustion because you’ve surrounded yourself with people you put on a pedestal
- You never feel like you’ve done enough to fend off judgement
The People Pleaser Pathway, Protocol, and Recovery Room is how you can start to join the dots:
- Giving yourself permission to redefine perfection
- Giving yourself permission to look at where people withdrew their love from you when you weren’t perfect
- Giving yourself permission to hand things back to the adults that conditioned you to their definitions
- Diving into who you are versus who your parents believe you to be and vice versa.
- Family tree relationship with judgement.
+ more …
This is you if some or all of these make sense to you:
- You survived a traumatic childhood
- You may have diagnosed or undiagnosed complex trauma
- You have walked away from relationships, jobs, and opportunities before trying to talk it out
- You constantly spend your life trying to communicate your needs in the kindest way to prevent hurt feelings
- You have either experienced, currently in or on the ledge of burnout
- You have children who are showing people-pleasing traits and it’s triggering you
- You have children who don’t people please and you panic their life will be hard for them
- You have chronic insomnia
- You have a building sense of resentment towards others, life, God
- When things start to go wrong, you think it’s the end of meaningful parts of your life
- Your health is failing
The People Pleaser Pathway, Protocol, and Recovery Room is how you can start to join the dots:
- How your personal stress response is like a fingerprint
- How putting other people’s needs ahead of your own, compulsively is making you sick
- How much-stored trauma is making you sick
- How your trauma is driving your neurology
- Why you feel like the ground is swallowing you whole when it comes to speaking a boundary
- How covert trauma, obvious trauma, and complex trauma dance to the same tune
- How talk therapy is just one part of the puzzle and for long-term results VVT is the answer
…and more
PEOPLE PLEASERS HAVE A
HIGH REPRESENTATION
WITH THESE ILLNESSES
+ Bronchitis, Gall Bladder Problems,
Vertigo, Tinnitus, Back Problems,
Ankle Problems, Insomnia, + more.
I have been living my life from the premise that trauma makes you sick since 1985. Since 2009 when I started my own private practice, I started to see patterns in the stories clients shared with me and their health issues.
- Tonsil problems
You were controlled using shame and being blamed for things. You do not feel safe enough to be yourself. - Asthma
Connected to taking on a parent’s fears and stresses. Google parentification for more detail. - Any autoimmune disease
After a lifetime of being obligated to others, even when they’re abusive, you need a valid reason to be able to say no, but it can backfire. - High blood pressure
You have consistently tried to please others and couldn’t because the others did not validate your efforts on their behalf. Self-punishment cycles when you don’t reach the expectations of others. - Adrenal fatigue
Adept at running scenarios, with little to no distinction between what is a real or superficial threat. Needing a valid reason to step back from interacting with others. - Skin Issues
These show up when you’ve tried for so long and so hard to fit in and belong outside of your values system. - Breast cancer
The highest level of the price paid for a life of people pleasing. Linked to stress, giving to others at the expense of yourself, failing to meet others’ expectations, fear of rejection, and abandonment
LET’S TALK ABOUT BONUSES FOR THE HUB & #PLEASERHEALER!
…when you take that first step back to you, at any level, you’ll be invited to attend monthly live coaching calls with Amanda each month for the Hub.
BONUS ONE
included in your membership
MONTHLY LIVE MENTORING CALLS
Members of the Hub and the People Pleaser Healing Circle will be able to register to join me for a 2 hour LIVE coaching call.
Each month’s call will have an agenda so you can come prepared and we’ll do hot seat work so we can work through real-life examples – you wait until you see all the ‘OMG, ME TOO’ comments. It’s going to be brilliant.
BONUS TWO
included in your membership
AILMENT LIBRARY
The most significant game changer with my process is the Voice Vibration Therapy element of this work, together with the process of the Trio of Health that I’ve been personally living by since I was 14 years old in 1985.
Stuck negative emotions make you sick. Unhealed trauma makes you sick.
People Pleasing is a trauma response from not having your needs met as an infant and child, it comes with a raft of stuck emotions, and while science is trying to catch up with neuropseudoimmunology, I’m living proof of the benefits of VVT and the Trio of Health.
When you join our community, you will be provided access to the Ailment Library which houses audio recordings that speak to the emotional reasons ailments and illnesses exist. I have personally recorded the short sessions, infused with the intention that the vibration of my voice goes into your ears via your ear buds or headphones and finds the cells in your body housing the ‘dis-ease’ of the blocked emotions you’ve stored in your body as part of your trauma response. This is where you will truly know the gift of this part of your healing journey. As you hear the words I speak and feel validated, and heard, and held, the science of vibrational healing will do its thing and set those blockages free. Mindblowing doesn’t even come close to the value of this part of your journey.
The best part – what you will listen to each time is grounded, easy to understand and easy to implement. This is the missing link between medicine and natural therapies. This is the change you’ve been seeking.
BONUS THREE
included in your membership
GLOBAL COMMUNITY
Three major things keep people looping in people-pleasing behaviour: guilt, shame, and humiliation. More layers of conditioning choosing to be a gift that keeps on giving [insert sarcastic tone monitor].
This global community is going to be your haven to come to when you need to process or validate that you’re on track. When you first arrive in the group, you’ll quickly learn how normal your people-pleasing behaviour is around other people-pleasers. That will be your turning point knowing we are all on a common goal, a collective journey to normalise what feels so foreign to us:
- Putting ourselves first
- Saying no and not feeling like the earth will open up and swallow you whole
- Standing in our authentic values systems
- Understanding our relationship with abandonment, rejection
- Understanding our addiction behaviours around connection
The end game:
WE WILL NEVER BETRAY OURSELVES EVER AGAIN
BONUS FOUR
included in your membership
VISUALISATION LIBRARY
Another layer of this unique process is going to identify energy hooks in your life from things you’d never have thought of.
Sometimes our internal voice tries to keep us safe yanking details from old evidence that we need to cut loose from our life. Some of the things we have to cut loose include social conditioning. You know the one “but, we’ve always done it like that”.
Nope. Change is here and it’s pretty snazzy when you’re ready to try new things to retrain your brain to think differently. I call it energetic neuroplasticity and it’s specifically developed to find obvious trauma as well as something I have a theory on, covert trauma.
Because we’re moving into the lane that doesn’t include self-betrayal anymore, that means all the old ways have to go now. The visualisations provide some useful steps you can tap into whenever you need.
BONUS FIVE
included in your membership
MASTERCLASSES
Personal development banks on people staying on the path to achieve their desired outcomes, and one thing will stop that growth and achievement in its tracks. It’s just one of the masterclasses that will be offered to the cohort and available throughout the life of your membership.
Many masterclasses will be offered during the year to help you stay on track. As the community grows and as the patterns start to immerge from everyone’s lived experience, the masterclass library will grow and grow to help you come back to reference the teachings if you find yourself going off track.
- Romancing the Growth
- Requiem of Regret
- Defining Moments
- Loving from Afar
- And so many more
Acknowledgement of Country
I acknowledge and honour this privilege and responsibility with respect, humility, and continued curiosity and pledge to stand in the truth that these Lands always were and always will be the lands of our First People.
PAY IT FORWARD
Every sound or energy healing offering the foundation
will employ people to provide is backed by science.
The days of the ‘non-medical’ people having to volunteer their time is coming to an end as well as patients and their families
having something that’s scientifically proven to reduce fear and also good outcomes for patient quality of life.
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