Right now I am so grateful I have a blog and can type like a demon because I’m so angry I could spit chips.

What’s the angriest you have ever been?

I only have one moment that I can remember way back to when I was a teenager and my sister was carrying on about something and I remember being so angry I went to hit her in the head with a closed fist and just as my hand got near her head I opened my fist and just grabbed the side of her face and gritted my teeth and grunted. It was the closest I’ve ever come in my life to physically hitting someone for real.

Well, today, I reckon is the second angriest day of my life that I can recall.

We had an “incident” that involved extended family today and as per the same thing that happens every fricken festive season, when we have been completely baron throughout the year on evenings out together, it comes down to having to ask for help with babysitting. Because I have a lovey with ideals that come in a box wrapped in 1950’s issues of the Woman’s Weekly, we have to go with the standard “ask family first”.

Every year it is an issue. Every. Fricken. Year.

This year we have three functions we have been invited to, one of them is even black tie. I haven’t been to a formal function in yonks. I was so excited I’d already gone out and sorted a new frock, accessories and face products and it’s not until the end of November.

So, back to the incident. As with everything that is my life {queue sob story music}, the adults are the ones who get to chuck the tantrums through their own agenda of not giving a flying fahooty unless it suits them. You know how even if you’re in your 40’s and your parents are heading for dementia, you are still the kid. That.

Well, the adults in my life have been empowered to have their tantrums for too long.

Something weird happened though, that’s not essentially the thing I am most angry at and this my dear reader is how Emotional Strength Training works. Awareness, old memories, things shift, healing.

I had this well of that much anger towards a man that came into my life when I was a very naive 17 year old on a student exchange.

I felt like grabbing my passport, jumping on a plane to Auckland, grabbing a hire car, driving to Whakatane, roaring up the drive of this lovely house with nice big windows, kicking in the front door, storming through the house to find said man, dropping him with a right hook that I didn’t know I had, kicking him in the nuts and walking back out the door, get in the car and drive back to the airport to come home.

If my super power is teleportation, I may or may not have actually done this in my mind’s eye and he may be holed up in bed with an ice-pack on his nether regions and left jaw right now.

Hope he still lives in his old home…. anyway….

I did some personal development around that relationship a couple of years ago now, and realised that as much as I was into him, I was totally into his family. I LOVED HIS FAMILY. Everyone got on, his brother was like my big brother, we were like the three musketeers in real life. His parents were just gorgeous and they loved me. I wanted to be a part of that so badly. He never chose me to grow old with, and I could never understand why because we were perfect together, so I “suffered” with that for many years.

So today, when I am sitting there and listen to my lovey back down to bad behaviour because of an opinion towards bad behaviour of another branch of the tree and the end result being that I miss out on going to a formal function with him to enjoy the night being grown-ups, this is what came up… the need to go through New Zealand immigration with nothing but my handbag, flip flops, dressed in my “Where’s Gulugaba” shirt and a pair of daggy shorts.

Right now, the anger is still there and frankly I am glad, because it’s the best time in the world to launch my BLACK SHEEP Program.

I have lived the last 43 years of my life not fitting into the picture that I was born into, worked through the things that showed up in my self-esteem because of my family of origin trying to do the best they could with their life stories when they decided to have children and then every other single solitary family member that eventuated as a result of me deciding to choose the parents I got this lifetime.

I am a savant at helping people get past the mindset that somehow family means something different when it comes to what is expected with human interaction.

A savant I say!

So, if you want to join me straight away in the online facebook group to help you get your resistance in place leading up to Christmas, sign up for information.

If you want to join me on the 12th of January, where your plan for your new years resolution will include, loving your family unconditionally even if they are unevolved freaks, I’d love to invite you to join me. Now’s a good time to tell them you want money for Christmas so you can join me and they’ve invested in your compassion towards them… ha the irony.

I love irony. Do you?

Sign up here: MY FAMILY DOES MY HEAD IN INCORPORATED

I look forward to helping you fertilise your family tree with the most organic truth you can imagine. Your truth.

Best wishes
Amanda