World Class Emotional Strength Trainer

People Pleasers

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People pleasing comes in many shapes and sizes. Many definitions.

On a two-sided coin, there is healthy “people-pleasing,” which is highest value driven and from a place of knowing who you are, and then there is health-sucking toxic people-pleasing. You know the saying “there’s a fine line between sacrifice and self-neglect”. Most people come to see me about when they are at the end of their self-neglect rope. They’re in burn-out, have lost relationships left, right and center, having tests done for an auto-immune disease or all of the above. You may have heard of the trauma response in psychology, FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE. Well, there is a very quiet cousin who doesn’t speak up too much at parties, and that’s FAWN.

The thing about a wounded People Pleaser is it’s not easy just to implement boundaries or say no, AND lack of trust is already a major issue, let alone fear. When there’s trauma, lack of trust and fear changes a person’s capacity to take meaningful action. That can feel like self-sabotage in someone trying to elicit change, because a People Pleaser is taught to take ALL the responsibility. In my world, it’s not, it’s evidence of trauma stuck in the cells sending the messages around your body.

I was that person. I was you, and sometimes, new layers show up that let me know I still am.

I officially began my way back from being a people-pleaser in 1996 when one too many death threats from my first husband while he continued to be ok with sticking his penis in other women became the straw that broke the proverbial camel in half. I didn’t care if he killed me. I knew I could never EVER be happy with him ever again. I tried trusting because that meant putting my needs and values last, and the plan failed. The only other alternative was to surrender to the truth that he was never going to change, and my happiness was THAT important to me, I had to make the call. I had chronic insomnia, was chronically constipated, fatter than I’d ever been, and was in the ‘give up phase’ of not giving a flying fahooty anymore. About anything. As a result, I lost my job because I couldn’t stand up for myself. I lost the chance to step into the relationship of my dreams with a person I’d virtually begged the Universe to bring back to me because I was depressed and angry and unable to be fully present in that space. I lost all the financial security I’d put in place since I was fifteen and so much more. It took ‘disappearing’ to the UK in 1997 to take me on a journey of getting to know myself without any outside interference for everything to start turning around.

One of my favourite sayings:

We go through what we go through to help others go through what we’ve been through.

The best part about jumping on the People Pleaser Healer train with me is that I’m a real person. I have lived and breathed every step of the journey, the one who has done all the healing and come out the other side on my own, and I’ve survived with everything intact. I’ve never been in a psychologist’s or a psychotherapist’s office; in fact, some of the best ones are my clients because they understand how trauma is stored in their bodies. My process has been honed after over 150,000 spoken client hours in my energy healing practice since 2009. Thousands of hours of being shown blockages and joining the dots with my clients to find and map patterns, using new layers of information that many in mainstream poo-hoo, as well as mainstream resources. The thing is, mainstream outcomes and timelines haven’t changed in DECADES. There is nothing wrong with mainstream, it’s done a lot of good, but I’m what you’d call impatient when it comes to healing. I’ve been saying “there has to be a better way” since I was a teenager, and with my process (which can be used in addition to any mainstream therapy you’re doing), you will start to reap the rewards of my lived definition of a better way. The main difference, I will not treat you like a cookie cutter. Your people-pleasing experience has anatomy, but your trauma is like a fingerprint. It’s different for everyone. My process honours and respects the unique elements of your journey. It doesn’t isolate you from your current choices or beliefs.

You will see changes, have smaller falls, and have quicker bounce backs WITHOUT the diabolical lows. I started learning about how blocked emotions contribute to illness in 1985 and have over one hundred thousand hours of personal study and research propping up my work in this field. Quite frankly, the idea of five years of talk therapy is too long to see results, and if you’re ready for something new, now’s the time to investigate.