Why you must come first - Amanda Foy

Why you must come first

I had a huge AHA moment this last week.  

I have been living and breathing the concept around it’s important to put yourself first and thought I was good at that until a couple of situations came up in my working life that I realised I wasn’t putting myself first for fear of having these people say “see ya” and all that that entails when you are self employed.

Well, what was going on felt so wrong on so many levels that I decided to stand up for myself and say something because I’d gone beyond caring if they left.  To be fair to them, and to reflect back on my People Suck Philosophy post, it was important that I communicate to them my feelings about a situation.  I was also able to do it in a kind an not un-Amanda way, none-the-less, I was still communicating in a way I never had before.

Guess what happened?  

I put myself first and everyone won.

When we say putting yourself first is for everyone’s highest and greatest good it is. 

If you put yourself first and it causes someone to choose to leave your life, then that is in their greatest and highest good to leave and find another person to travel on their path. AS MUCH AS IT IS YOURS.

You no longer have to operate out of fear, you can trust that they will be just as happy as you in their new path away from you. 

I think this was my most important realisation when it came to the fear associated with speaking my truth – what if the other person leaves.  

That just opens up all sorts of stuff on CONTROL FREAKS then doesn’t it?  

We don’t speak our truth because we think we can control a situation by manipulating it with our silence (fear), inauthentic word (fear), need to keep things at peace (fear).  We don’t want them to leave.


And……… how rude is that.  It’s depriving this other person of living in their happiness as well as you not living in yours.

You have no idea how much freedom this other person might feel being free of you since you started to speak your truth.  

In turn, you have no idea how much the other might not be speaking their truth with you, and your truth might just resonate and they stay and you go on to conquer the world together.

So you see, so many COOL possibilities available to you and the other’s around you when you step into who you really want to be and put yourself first.  

No matter the outcome, it’s perfect and right and best of all GREAT!

It’s ALL perfectly clear to me now. I hope it is for you too.


  1. That was a great post Amanda.

    There have been many times in my life that I havn’t been thinking about myself and clearly talking about how I feel and it has always come unstuck.

    But you also hold other people back from moving forward when you be don’t honest about where you are at.

    It is counter intuitive, but being selfish is one of the most giving things you can do for other people.

    • Yes Leo. It IS one of the most beautiful loving things.

    • Yes Leo. It IS one of the most beautiful loving things.

  2. Great reflection Amanda. Loving this ‘why’ concept! I had a situation this week where I spoke my truth and ‘offended’ someone in the process. For a few hours I contemplated texting, emailing, apologising etc, when I realised that it was speaking something I truly believed, so there was no need to apologise, and that the offence taken was in fact ‘their stuff’. So….an interesting lesson learnt….

  3. You are so right Krishna. Well done. That’s growth lovely lady. Keep it. When you can separate yourself from other people’s reactions and not take it personally, you will know true freedom. Thank you for stopping by to read my blog.

  4. Great post Amanda, so agree with you when you put yourself first every one wins… how can you give to others if you chose not to give to yourslef.


  5. Zoe

    Interesting post Amanda. I have been in a number of situations since moving to Australia that your post resonates with. My ethos is now that I put myself first in the sense I will not be bullied or pushed down as i want to be valued and appreciated. When you let people control you you are not either of those if that makes sense.

  6. Thank you for your comment Zoe. You are very very correct!

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