Why women judge other women... - Amanda Foy

Why women judge other women…

I have no idea… but honestly it’s got to stop.

If you have any idea why women do it please comment.  

If there is a chemical component to looking at someone of the same chemical make up and anatomy that automatically allows these thoughts to come about, then chemists, doctors, psychologists, please make us understand.

Is it because for centuries of being told ‘you can’t fit in this is a man’s world’ that women have had little to no choice or power for centuries, so that energy and power is put into criticising our own kind?

Are you a woman reading this? Please listen to what goes on in your head when it comes to other women – of whatever age. 

We must must must be full of compassion, dispassionate compassion and understanding for our sisters. 

Now more than ever we need it.

Signing off from God’s country ~ Yamba Australia.


  1. I don’t know why we do it, but we do need to make a conscious decision to stop ourselves. I know recently I’ve been horrified to “hear” what’s going on in my head. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to break this learned behaviour and to think nicer thoughts and send blessings and happiness to others rather than the harsh judgements… but it is a learned thing, I think.

    Maybe it all comes from, as you say, generations of being without real power, and thus the “subtle” powers of nastiness and sniping have been practised. We have centuries of being unable to be honest and to live in our power with honesty and blessings to all… and we need to unlearn that old behaviour.

    First part of that is recognition that it isn’t needed, so you’ve done (again) a good thing by bringing this out! Love your work!!

  2. We do it because of the biological imperative to procreate. Our ancient brain sees other women as competition for the fertile males. Some of us have evolved to the point where we quickly recognise and arrest it, but many…probs most, haven’t. We need to make this quantum leap if we want to be the enlightened and blissful sisterhood that we so desperately wanna be. But at this point in the evolutionary scale, we haven’t yet got our shit together. But we can – we MUST! We evolved to be this way, so we can evolve out of it. Well, that’s what I reckon anyway. More power to you and the rest of us who think this way babe xo

  3. I do agree with you. One of the things that came to my mind is the idea of women fighting over men too. Men typically see that there are plenty fish in the sea while the woman get possesive of one particular man. It could be because back then the woman would eye on who would be the best supporting them. It was a more limited pool thinking that way so they would outdo themselves..being the best of the prize themselves, so to speak. That what came to my mind which I thought it was interesting to chew on. Anyway, perhaps to make *good* habits to focus on instead and cooperate with each other?

  4. Oohh I got carried away…

    There are a gazillion facets to consider in answering this question, I am sharing just a few of my thoughts:
    • A deep seated lack of self love…so many women were brought up to believe that everyone else comes first, we were urged to push down on emotions, we were told that good girls don’t dress like that, speak like that, behave like that, good girls don’t lose their temper…blah, blah, blah. Denying ourselves in every way possible has resulted in many women having a disconnect with their ‘inner child’ or ‘inner woman’. Not seeing it in themselves they are unable to see it in others and if a woman pops her head up…whamo! There are many ready to strike her down. I think that leads to ‘judgement’ pouring forth. The adage of ‘If I can’t have it then neither can she!’ rears its head.
    • We tend to ‘judge’ someone as we see them today, for example you see a vibrant and confident woman…she may not always have been that way. What challenges did she face? What incredible steps has she taken to become that confident vibrant woman you see today? I am often asked what I would know about NOT having confidence! Believe I know soo, soo much…I have lost and found my confidence more times than many have had hot dinners. In judging it then becomes a case of ‘who does she think she is?’
    o p.s. Confidence is not about shouting your virtues from the rooftop or beating your chest loudly… I am talking about the quiet confidence where you look at someone and just know!
    • Plain simple jealousy…personal or professional
    • That societal double standard…if a guy has 4 women its ‘good on ya mate…what a stud! If a woman does that she is a ‘tart’ or worse…which leads to gossiping and judgement.
    • The compound effect of gossip…you know what it’s like, a group of women start chatting and one says something catty, the second one tops it, the 3rd adds to it, the 4th really gets wound up and the 5th is a shocker…and down it spirals…whatever we think and say, the brain will support it magnificently! All the negatives and every lousy situation and facet of someone’s personality can be in shreds in moments. Stop! Whew! The good news it also happens in reverse…start with a positive and the brain will come up with all the positives to support you and praises start to spring forth.

    We have all been faced with these situations at some time or other. We can make a conscious choice to speak up, to gently guide the conversation elsewhere, to not to be involved or to walk away.

    I believe we are all on our journey, our thoughts words and actions are a reflection of where we are. Those judging may be going through tough personal challenges and not have the tools to react differently. How I have changed in my thoughts, words and actions and that is a wonderful thing! I am so grateful for my personal journey.

    How can we make a difference? With awareness of our own actions, learning to love our ‘inner woman’, by lovingly watching that we are not slipping into being judgmental and to remember “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”.

  5. Yep agree with all these posters – I think it’s because for centuries women weren’t legally allowed to own property or even the money they earned with their own labour. The only way a woman could have a roof over her head and food to eat was to obtain that from a man. Anytime any humans have to compete for resources – in this case for a man – we’re operating from sheer survival and things can get really nasty! I like to think that finally we’re a little higher on the consciousness scale – women can earn our own money, keep it, and even gasp – buy our own roof! Surely it’s time we stopped competing as well?

    Though – the whole ‘beauty’ industry’s advertising is built on those generations of competition and they’re not keen that we stop comparing and competing… luckily we have choice 😉

    Love this post Amanda 🙂

  6. Great words Sandy and yes I think we are on a higher consciousness scale and yes…we know now we have a choice!

    In my experience I have also found when men stopped putting women down, the women picked up the thread….all back to control.

    And on the political scene…oohhh how a woman is ‘shredded’ once in the public eye..

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