Why something's gotta give... - Amanda Foy

Why something’s gotta give…

Friday night’s are usually like ‘woohoo’ sleep in tomorrow. 

So last night, after deciding on a bottle of Evans & Tate from the Margaret River to sip as I settled in to watch tv, it ended up being a little bit of a late one for me.  I didn’t even change the channel, just turned it on and The Bucket List had just started, so enjoyed watching that.  

The bonus was that husband had chocolate in the fridge, from a prize from Melbourne Cup day, so I had some and that made sure I stayed awake until 2am…

Anyway, the movie that followed the first one was “Something’s gotta give” with Diane Keaton, Jack Nicholson and Keanu Reeves.  

Well, bugger me if the message in that one didn’t hit home!  I can’t imagine how many women watched it when it came out in 2003 and had aha moments, or got over the concept that younger men with women is sociably unacceptable.  Even now though the ‘cougar’ phenomenon is alive and well.

Who came up with that name by the way, I’d like to give you an uppercut.

So, I posted a question on my facebook page about it, and had an interesting dialogue with a few people who happened to be up between midnight and 2am.

Women.  We put ourselves through such horrendous energy damage with our inner dialogue.  The internal speaking that says you aren’t allowed, that you can’t do this, that they will hurt me, that they couldn’t possible be attracted to me, I’ve been married and it didn’t work, so I’m not going to allow intimacy in my life again….look what happens.

The movie did such a great job of showing what an older divorced woman with children goes through when a younger man, or any man for that matter shows her any kind of interest.

The self-deprecating comments, “I knew you would smell good…” “It’s only soap…” 

The bawling she goes through when all the stuff falls into place for her like a big basketball stadium full of dominoes.

I even had a private comment from a friend saying something along the lines of “it’s that scary it’s almost worth staying in a bad marriage”.


I would be lying if I didn’t say that I’m profoundly grateful that I have my husband and having those thoughts as I watch friends and colleagues go through their lives and think:  “There’s no way I would be able to be intimate with another person should anything happen to our relationship.”

Anyway, he has promised me that we will grow old, really old together, so I don’t think about it for more than a second….but see… mind chatter that’s hideous causes dis-ease… time to do something about it. 

Please join Juli DuBois and me at the Goddess Imperative should you be suffering from the delusion that you are a woman and you deserve to be loved and enjoy intimacy.  It’s important for you to be a good role model for the women who are following you, who given statistics will be going through what you’ve been through at some point in their lives.  We need to show them how to come out the other side.


If you have anything you want to get off your chest about this topic, please know that the comments section is open.  If you want to write it as part of your story to contribute to a book we are putting together, please go to the events tab on our Facebook page or click this link HERE to go to the page on our website.


  1. This is an interesting one, thank you. Some other interesting things that have been brought to my attention recently:

    I saw the other day (on Facebook) that there’s a memorial for the women murdered during the witch trials. Hadn’t even thought of it like that.

    On discussing the origins of “spend a penny” (euphemism for going to the toilet, you whippersnappers lol) mum told me that only women’s toilets were charged. Men’s toilets were free, and they had those on the side of the road, commonly. Not so the ladies’ rooms.

    A woman enjoying herself in a sexually liberated way is often branded a slut. Usually by other women. Are men? No.

    When did we do this to ourselves? WHY did we do this to ourselves? Whoever originated this corker of a brainwashing job was bloody good at it!!

    I think I was actually the most sad that I hadn’t seen any of these bars (except the “slut” one) before, even though they were a part of my own social cage. I’m glad we’re now living in a society where people are pointing out these previously invisible bars and sawing through them… that’s great work!

    BTW, this is by no means a “man bashing” post. I’m fully aware there are a truckload of invisible social bars caging men in, too. If I can help you saw through them so we can all live in peace, harmony and happiness, I’d love to assist!

    Good on you for bringing this bar out into the open so we can begin working on it!!

  2. Thank you for a great comment Pauline! I like sawing things in half. 🙂

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