Why silence isn't something to panic about - Amanda Foy

Why silence isn’t something to panic about

It’s Fun Free Friday…here in Australia it’s well on it’s way to being over…so I wanted to finish the week off with a post about silence, and why not to panic.

You know how you have a relationship with someone….and by relationship I mean anything from a business relationship, a friendship, a romantic relationship of some substance or a random relationship of no substance that ends with a quick exchange of phone numbers and a very sensual see ya…and all of a sudden they go quiet…go through the last five years of your life and think about any of the above relationships where someone has gone quiet on you. Do you remember your thoughts?

“Oh, why hasn’t he phoned? Did I put the wrong inflection on the thanks for calling me back sentence I said where I should have said ‘Great to hear from you’…did I sound too needy?”

Why hasn’t she phoned, she mustn’t have liked my aftershave….I knew she saw me scratch my nose just a little too long when we were at dinner….shouldn’t have said that thing about her Mother’s inane lust for Elvis statues…

It’s where for the 3-10 days that you have not heard from this person that you have been expecting to hear from you waste every living spare second wondering why and what have you donnnne, and should I have said, and could I have done that better.

Firstly, shoulda, coulda, woulda, didn’t. That’s the lesson in: it’s done, it’s in perfect order, let it go.

Secondly, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Now, a lot of us would like to think it does, and I’ve been profoundly guilty of being in that mindset for a substantial part of my adult life…thankfully I saw the error of my ways and realised I was but a drop in the ocean of life. An important drop, but a drop none-the-less.

Thirdly what’s stopping you from ringing them?

Finally refer to Firstly, Secondly and Thirdly and what’s it equal?

FEAR.

We all have one of those friends or acquaintenances that we can sit in absolute silence for ages at a time. Think of that person, and put that feeling and mindset around whomever you are worrying about not contacting you. How can you sit and be silent with someone without the brain going, “ARGH I need to think of something to say….they’ll think I’m a twat…I need to be witty…I need to be caring….how do I say it without sounding like a twat…I hope that psoriasis hasn’t shown up in my left eyebrow again.”

The answer is you don’t have any fear around the relationship.

Back to the original concept and that the world doesn’t revolve around you…there could very well be a logical answer to the nil contact. They might find you that truly repulsive the mere thought of hearing your voice makes their throat constrict…and what can you do about that…NOTHING – that’s their @hit. They could have had their pet Iguana eat the wrong kind of cricket and poisoned it to the point where it’s eyeballs could not move anywhere but forward. What can you do about that….NOTHING. They might have had a stack of meetings and people to see to progress what you have been talking about and that weighed down they didn’t think to factor any contact in with you….What can you do about that…ring them and say Hi and is there anything you can do to help.

FEAR = WASTE OF TIME, ENERGY, BRAIN WAVES, HEART RATES, EXCESSIVE SWEATING AND BAD DREAMS.

I can highly recommend you look at it next time you feel that way, ask yourself what you can do about it that is proactive and do that. If it means do nothing but don’t worry and let it BE, then do that.

Manifest what you would like to happen by visualising it and feeling how you want to feel when they contact you again, or you contact them and they are very apologetic for not putting you at the top of the priority list.

Big smile and beautiful weekends to all!
Amanda x

5 Comments

  1. So true Amanda. For me it is especially the last point – what is stopping ME from ringing them? So many excuses/reasons exist but, no matter how you break it down they all come down to FEAR. A tip to break through the FEAR is to remember – there is no such thing as failure…only feedback and learning. So pick up the phone and whatever happens, enjoy the interaction and learn from it! What do you think?

  2. I agree Lissa, there is so much empowerment involved when taking responsibility and being proactive!

  3. Sal

    That is so true in business and in life. I consider myself a fairly low maintenance friend and often struggle that not all my friends are the same. For me, if I don’t see someone for a month, it just makes it so much more wonderful when we do catch up and natter away for hours. Hmm, am I low maintenance or slack??? Would love to be the type of person who is always on the ball but sometimes life gets in the way (and what a fabulous distraction that can be!). Great post!

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