Why PICK ME is just an excuse to keep drama in your life. - Amanda Foy

Why PICK ME is just an excuse to keep drama in your life.

Yes, you read that correctly.  PICK ME behaviour, mindset, actions, internal dialogue is just a way of keeping drama at the forefront of your life.

It is a natural tendancy in our human to want people to pick you – for that job, for that friend, for that relationship, for that family connection.  So, this behaviour is a taught one from the earliest age:

  • don’t upset anyone
  • don’t say that, it might hurt their feelings
  • don’t expect too much in return
All these don’ts that empower everyone else to take your power and get used to it, while you are the duck floating on the top of the pond with your feet paddling like mad to keep up.
I speak from an awful lot of experience on PICK ME.  
On the weekend I decided to sit and dedicate my time to ridding a whole heap of mank that had piled up in my life around grief.  So off I set with my memory and faith and trust that everything stuck in there that no longer serves me would come to the front of my brain.  Aye, that it did.

No sooner had I thought I finished than someone in my inner circle did something that I allowed to hurt my feelings. 

Bugger… but YAY… because it was a part of my healing and releasing all this gunk. Universe loves speed.
Today I had my dawning and I will share it with you:

When someone makes a decision to not pick you, who are you to question their decision?

Will your feelings be hurt? Yes! Will you get over it? Yes! Especially when you read and re-read that italicised bit there.

They are not picking you for their own reasons.  If you have shown up in your authenticity and who you are without pretending, just being your normal happy you, and they don’t pick you, then that’s their decision.
Side note, if you have done something that might have caused a situation to come about and you apologise because you were able to recognise the part you played in having something go south and they still don’t pick you.  Then it’s still: who are you to question their decision?

Elminate the drama from your life by accepting their decision.  Move your forgiveness to yourself for anything you might have done and then release it.

Save the space for someone who does want to pick you to be in their life.

For all my grammatically sound friends, the pick me reference may be piercing your brain everytime you read it, but for todays lesson ‘choose’ just didn’t fit in with the image of that little human jumping up and down on the spot with their arm flailing in the air demanding that someone PICK THEM. 


  1. This is great, Amanda. I often find myself in this “pick me” mentality, and I’m still in the beginning stages of trying to rid myself of it… in that I do want to get rid of it, I just don’t *always* note when I’m doing it. Ingrained, as it were. 🙂

    However, I have noticed that I take on criticism from people who a) don’t know the whole story and b) aren’t part of my life, so really, where do they get off criticising me?, so as part of my winter solstice clearing, I am actively trying to reduce taking that on. Also not taking something as criticism when it’s probably just a statement.

    So good for you for sharing your own path, hope mine also works well.

    • AHA’s are really big when they land Pauline 😉

  2. Oh yes… I so get ‘pick me’! For the last two weeks I have been in mourning and sadness because a group of women decided to not play nice. Brokenhearted, mortally wounded – I have been sad, distraught and at the same time gob-smacked that grown women can act in such a ‘Mean Girl’ way and think it is perfectly OK. Today I suddenly got “Wait a minute – I am not going to accept this behaviour… not now… not ever! You don’t have to ‘pick me’…. ’cause there is no way I am going to accept, tolerate, put up with abhorrent behaviour… ever! So I shall gather up my bucket and spade and you cannot play with me anymore!! Perhaps a new beginning for all Authenticated Goddesses… the ‘unpick me’ empowerment!!! ♥

    • Or like you’ve just said beautiful lady, pick up your bucket and spade and go and make your own sandpit with plenty of people who play nicely like you do. xx Thank you for reading and commenting.

  3. How do you deal with a rude family member (like a sibling even)? Family is important so how to deal with that?

    • I have learned that family isn’t import Silvia. They are just people. You are going to have personality clashes and you are going to have different desires and outcomes in your life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Powered by WishList Member - Membership Software