Why people pleasing is the problem... - Amanda Foy

Why people pleasing is the problem…

Today was a tough day. 

Hard lesson learned. 

So the last couple of years, I have come to a pretty big understanding of what level I was capable of going to to make other people happy.

What I was prepared to agree to to try and fit in or be included.

I’m 42. I’ve lived in pick me energy for most of my life in significant percentage of the possible areas where relating experiences occur.

Typing that out now just makes me want to cry. What a time to have an AHA.

I have liked who I am for a long time now. A really long time. Through my “oblivion” though, I truly had no idea how much of my truth I gave away in the hope of fitting in or having good outcomes if I let people see how compliant I was in ensuring they were happy before me.

Until today.

So, let me give you a bit of a heads up. When you hear or read ANYTHING that says put yourself first – no matter what – then do it. 

When you put yourself first, everything that comes about because of that is for EVERYONEs highest and greatest good. Even if that means someone’s highest and greatest good is not with you, it’s with someone else or in another situation. By you being in your truth, it gives THEM the right to make the choice if it suits them or not and they can leave or stay.

When you are in people pleasing mode or pick me mode, you cast a net that has really sticky bits, and while you are putting yourself last, and empowering others by giving away your power, that sticky stuff catches onto other people too.  

Not just you.

It’s like my favourite saying, “the truth will set you free” – you know how if you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you’ve said.

It’s the same with people pleasing. You are lying to yourself, which in turn means you are lying to other people too. 

Trying to fit in is the worst decision you could ever make. 

There are 7,000,000,000 people on this planet. If there’s any TRYING involved, then you are doing it wrong.

Step away from the sandpit and try again.

I’m telling you, from the bottom of my toes to the tip of my soul – and my soul is gargantuan: an arse is an arse is an arse no matter which way you turn them. 

If a person shows you who they are the first time, the second time and even the third time, then for heaven’s sake, believe them. 

Don’t buy into that bullshit of turn the other cheek and allow them their story. Just run screaming – flail your arms for greater effect if you need to.

Do stay in awareness with your arse-o-meter. 

You can be in dispassionate compassion while you run screaming the other way and acknowledge that their arse-ness must be there for some reason.

Don’t worry for them if you realise that you need to start running. The spot you leave vacant will have the right person take up that space in a jiffy and you never know, that new person might just be the right one to de-arse-ify or more possibly, help build a greater group of like-minded arses, you know like find their tribe.

Everyone deserves a tribe and to be around people that make them hum.

If there’s no humming, make tracks toute sweet.

I repeat today was a tough day, which was at the end of 4 tougher ones. If you are reading this, you are reading it for a reason, and I implore you to make sure you are putting yourself first. No. Matter. What. 

Make changes now so that 2014 is the dawning of the new you. 

Please leave a comment if you know how I could patent an arse-o-meter. I fancy being a millionaire by the end of 2014.



  1. Powerful post Amanda. I do hope you are okay. Something tells me today was the day of the arse-o-meter. Bless ya honey. Krishna xx

    • Thank you Krishna. I am ok. A lesson learned that sticks is the lesson that comes with acceptance and responsibility. Ooo I think that is my next graphic. 🙂

  2. OMG. That was penned just for me. Thank you. I love having you in my life. You are there for a very good reason. I often garf and snort but I got what I needed in perfect time. I will be using the arse-o-meter more often. Love your work. xx

    • Thank you lovely lady. Xxxx

  3. Very insightful and strong post Amanda…sounds like you have had a rough time.

    Definitely a message in there for me at this moment in time… its been teh rough end of the stick for me this past week also.

    Arse-o-meter sounds fantastic…I am sure some soul will know just how to patent it…Love your work,,cheers Di

    • Good Di! You first. The end. Xx

  4. Could not agree with you more. As you get older, you realise the importance of peace of mind and sharing your life with those who share your focus, truth and growth.
    Sensational article!

  5. Sandy

    Amanda SO true! I spent way too many years trying to be someone who could make the other one happy. Lost myself for many years; finally recovered her and walked away. Am just leaving a job that I enjoy with people I like because I have a new boss who would blow up the biggest arseometer – lesson learned! Sorry you’re having a hard time, Rescue Remedy helps a lot with the sting…. And knowing that you’ve put yourself first helps the most. Really, sending a huge hug.

    • Thank you Sandy. I’ve heard of Rescue Remedy. I used meditation to keep me calm on this last one, but honestly, I’m glad I went through it. 2014 sees a new me arrive on the people pleasing.

  6. Manda, first: thanks for saying it was a tough day! I remember when I was first on Larry King with a bunch of LOA experts he asked the entire panel if “you ever have a bad day?” I was the only one on the panel that stated, “yes.” (Seriously?) Tough days are a part of life and one of the major problems in my opinion with the whole personal/spiritual development industry is propagating that to be human is not the objective. Secondly, truth be told if every body loves you you’re probably not doing anything of any importance… just parroting the party line. You know my story and to be greatly loved is to be greatly hated… you cannot separate the two. Those who cut new paths are always attacked and ridiculed initially; and usually if it’s really radical never revered until either they or the opposition dies. Sad but true. This is not arrogance or an “I don’t care about anybody” attitude. Far from it. It’s an “I care so much that I’m going to do my best to carve a new path even if it means that my life will be very uncomfortable. Keep doing and thinking great things; and Keep the faith ~ JAR

    • Thanks so much +JamesA Ray. I’m totally with you on the cutting the new paths. I do look to you with inspiration that you keep getting up each day and doing what you do even though there is still a chunk of hate there. The truth will set you free. Thanks so much for your comment.

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