Why MY relationship with MY kids is MY business. - Amanda Foy

Why MY relationship with MY kids is MY business.

Ever been somewhere and some child is screaming or misbehaving or chucking a tanti at whatever level?  Are you a woman who has had thoughts of “ugh, what is wrong with you, get control of your child.”


The last couple of days I’ve read a couple of blogs that have inspired me to get this out of my head once and for all.


My relationship with MY children is MY business.  The End.


I read a blog yesterday by a man who has struggled with his relationship and lack there of with his mother for years.  As it turns out, the gift for him in that negative relationship is unfolding before all of us in his blogs, and his wife and daughters are going to be the huge winners from the relationship he didn’t have with his mum and the awareness it afforded him.  If you’d like to read some of Rod’s blogging, then go HERE.


It got my blood racing a bit because of the barrage of memories my brain, or most likely my dead people, decided to flood me with about all the people around me who have opinions on how I should be with my sons.  It’s been going on for nearly 10 years now and all I want to scream is BUGGER OFF.


I came from a generation of girls.  There was one boy cousin that I grew up with, 11 year age gap and lived a long way away.  My first real experience with a boy, well I ended up marrying him. That didn’t end well.  That’s another blog titled “Why you should never listen to your parents…because they are lying…”


Needless to say, that set off a pattern of the kinds of men I attracted into my life until my return from England and then marrying my best male friend ever. We have since had sons and it is my belief that they chose me to be their mum so I could give them the greatest possible grounding on how to live in this day and age, how to respect women and how to coexist with the other sex on an even playing field.  My son’s will not be looking for a woman that will cook, clean and dish out as soon as the left eyebrow is raised.


The generation before mine have very firm beliefs on what I should have been doing with my sons from the minute they got here.  I had to be very open and honest with myself about the kind of mum I was going to be, and made peace with it very early in the picture. Financial restrictions also dictated a couple of things too, so making peace with everything and not living in some self loathing belief that I should have been doing something different was not on the cards.


That still didn’t stop the judgement from all those in my inner circle though…


They are my children, and at the end of the day when you leave my house, they are sleeping under my roof in their beds and not with you, so any opinion you may have is void.  I’m the one who wiped their bum, I’m the one who holds their head up if they need to vomit, I’m the one who gives them cuddles when they hurt themselves or wake up from a nightmare. 


The judgement from the husband even because there is a thought that I should be a certain way with my son’s because of how his mother was with him when he was young.  


It comes from every angle and every degree.


I’ve had a number of people say, didn’t you want a girl too? Nope. God gave me boys and I’m the lucky one.  I deserve them.  I am honoured they chose me to be their parent.


So…to anyone reading this who has an opinion about someone elses child raring abilities and even has one iota of a thought along the lines of “I wouldn’t be like that if they were mine.”; with all due respect, mind your own business.


Not to jump on the poor me band wagon for too long….women cop a flogging in so many ways, its a wonder we get grumpy sometimes.


We are not living in the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s for that matter, we are living in the age of awareness.  Women are finding their voice, having the children, starting the businesses, running a household, trying to acknowledge and unleash their inner Goddess and those women before them, and those men before them and those women around them and those men around them just can’t cop a hint.


BUGGER OFF…. and join the awareness wagon.  


Give us a break.  Leave us alone.  Be grateful that we are doing the best we can with what we have and note with a grand load of kudos that we are trying trying trying so hard to do it all and we still keep walking.  We aren’t giving up and our children are not suffering.


They mightn’t be having a childhood like you had or what you would give to your child if you had them… though again, with all due respect…. who cares!!


Our children will grow up empowered, respecting women and if they are girls, themselves, and their place on this planet.  


Listen to the Dalai Lama….The World Will Be Saved By The Western Woman…



So please I repeat…. bugger off and let us save it would ya?


Thanks.

6 Comments

  1. I love you Amanda, that’s just awesome. I’m glad you’ve chosen to live your life in your way, and that you’ve made a conscious choice and decision to raise your sons to live in harmony with women of today, not the crap we’ve had to put up with for years.

    I find it hard enough to deal with those people who do the “why don’t you get a man to fix that for you” thing… I can fix it, why would I want to get someone else to? If I can’t fix it, then I’ll get someone – some ONE who can… and I don’t want to emasculate men who feel they should be doing all the ug-he-man-grunt thing, but honestly, not for me.

    Glad you’ve chosen to live it your way matey. Good for you.

    Oh, BTW, if you choose to live a different way, that’s also fine… that’s your choice, I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m saying you’re not me. πŸ™‚

    • You are funny. Love your last little disclaimer. You opinion is safe with me dear lady. πŸ™‚

  2. That’s an awesome rant – i love it immensely. but then i’m the sort of guy that will tell you what i’m thinking. And yes, I have told children off who seem to be pushing all their mothers buttons.

    I’m also one of those guys that has decided it’s OK for you to judge me. I understand that you are forming an opinion of me through the lens of your own life experiences. Your opinion of me has no impact on my life unless I choose to allow it to.

    Your opinion of me is none of my business.

    I would much rather someone share their opinion with me and open a dialogue and give me opportunity to change should I deem it relevant.
    I have less respect for someone who you can tell has something to say but doesn’t share it with you but will happily attempt a character assassination behind your back.

    If I have an opinion about you then I owe it to you as my friend and fellow human to share that with you. What you do with information is entirely up to you.

    Thank you so much for linking my blog.

    much love, rod

  3. That’s great Rod! It is acceptance. I accept that the people around me think I’m a crap mother in some respects – they don’t know I get dead people information and then when they are being completely unevolved, they trip up and let their disgust out in real life. I look at them and think hmmm sucks to be you. You don’t see the loving touches, the love you Mumma, the cuddles and special little things they do for me because I love them with all my heart and they are my sons and our relationship is just ours and no one elses. I am enjoying watching them grow knowing I’m their mumma and I’ll be the one they turn to when they really need someone. They’ll never look at me like I’ve just stepped out of a spaceship. People have resonated towards me all my life…why would my children be any different. I love what they are teaching the grown ups who judge me because I’m not doing it the same way they would. Thanks for your comment Rod. πŸ™‚ Hope you didn’t miss the bit about the gift that the relationship with your mum is in your life.

  4. Great post Amanda,

    I am being steadfastly frog marched through this whole ‘parenting’ story by three amazing, interesting, different and loving children. I am delighted that they are in my home and am under no delusion that being the boss of them is a temporary gig and they will all too fast spread their wings.

    A safe place to call home, lots of love, lots of discussion, a few tantrums (sometimes mine), lots of negotiation and lots of learning all round. Given you cannot create any two families alike, it would be naive to think that there is only one way to make things work.

    Good for you. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you for your comment and honesty Karen. I’ve had one or two of those tantrums before πŸ˜‰ LOL.

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