Why lying is a way of life for some... - Amanda Foy

Why lying is a way of life for some…

When I first joined Facebook  I put in my favourite quotes section “The truth will set you free.” For me it is a mantra that causes me to take a deep breathe in when I say it. The freedom telling the truth provides me is profound.

There is much speculation about white lies, which really in essence are a form of manipulation.  Things like “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”, “I didn’t want to be responsible for their reaction”, “I thought I was going to get in trouble”, “I didn’t want to start WWIII”. Manipulation.  You lie so you can manipulate an outcome based on what you THINK will happen.

Lying is also a form of laziness.

Rather than communicate effectively and with respect for yourself or the other person, it’s sometimes easier just to tell a lie.  I guarantee you though, it will be found out, or have quality repercussions later that will set you up for more burden than you already feel with the reason why you’ve decided you’d lied.

I realised yesterday, after an NET session with a very trusted and wise soul who has been in my life since I was 15, how much lying has occurred in my very short life of 42 years.  I expect that’s one of the largest reasons why I adopted the saying mentioned up there at the top.

The smallest lies involving exaggeration all the way through to some pretty big doozy’s that would have those with a PhD in judgement tuttering like the 60 minutes clock.

The wisdom I received and clarity at how much of an impact other people’s lies had on my life up until yesterday, got the old tears to roll – which doesn’t happen too often.  Mostly from anger and then from profound disappointment, then finally sadness that they felt they had no choice.

I got to understand my frustration at people who continually tell lies and to whom I have wanted to scream “do you think I’m fucking stupid” for the longest time.  It’s from knowing and being powerful in the knowledge, but powerless in doing anything about it. Therein lies my peace.

I have woken up and travelled through today knowing and recognising where I have broken patterns in attracting liars into my life and those that are up close and personal are testament to knowing that I have. I have woken up with a very strong conviction in understanding, loving and completely ADORING my ability to recognise when I am being lied to and to trust that.

Most of all, today, the first day of the rest of my life, is the day that I can truly go into compassion for all the liars in my life, knowing that they are making a conscious choice to create that burden.

I understand.

I forgive.

There is nothing I can do about it.

There is no responsibility of mine to be included in the reason why they choose to lie.

The truth that people lie, and that’s their choice, has once again set me free.

8 Comments

  1. What an honest post. I’ve definitely had that conversation in my head! Two years ago I promised myself that I was going to be authentic in every way. And mostly, I’ve kept my promise. Lying to others is something that I’ve always tried not to do (unless I randomly blurt something out in an effort to preserve their feelings – this hasn’t happened much lately!), but when I stopped lying to myself, I respected myself that much more. Being truthful to oneself is an act of compassion.

    • That’s a nice way of putting it Haseena!

  2. Great topic Amanda. I attended a Buddhist centre for a few years a while ago. While there I took vows not to lie. Not always easy. I think lying comes form insecurity and a dishonesty with ourselves. I believe compassion, as you said, is the best way to approach the people in your life who lie.

    • Yes Kama, often it’s part of the pick me mind set I think.

  3. I think that our unwillingness or inability to deal with tough emotions is also part of the picture. Maybe it’s part of the journey 🙂 Thanks for think!

    • Yes, a bit of fear about anything tough I think Sandy.

  4. Terrific topic Amanda, Kama nailed it with compassion. For me it was the lies I have told myself, taking responsibility for those was a huge step forward.

    I love your no holes barred appraoch.

    • Thank you Di. You are such a wonderful supporter of all your blogging buddies. Taking responsibility is a big positive step that makes things easier.

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