Simply put, there was too much evidence pointing it’s big fat juice finger at me.
I will start by saying that all roads lead to Rome, and when you start out on your journey of ‘making things better’, the road you start out on will not show you where it’s going to until you are ready to read the signs.
So, eight years ago, I set out on a accelerated version of what I had been doing since 1985. The key element behind this recipe of self discovery is to have high quality people in your life who understand, empathise and most of all are completely and totally qualified to show you where things are at.
These people need to be honest.
They need to be compassionate.
They need to be patient.
They need to come from a place where there is no reward in it for them other than to see their sister or brother reach their goal.
Find these people, and cherish them.
The next biggest ingredient is back yourself. Do not give up. If your journey is 10 days old or 10 years old. Don’t give up.
So, onto the addiction:
I am addicted to sugar.
When this was brought to my attention I didn’t believe it. I have one teaspoon of sugar in a black cup of tea in the morning and that’s it. I don’t buy lollies, I eat chocolate once every 3 months when I need the hit and then suffer through the headache, I don’t drink alcohol regularly, I don’t eat bought biscuits and if I do any baking I always halve the sugar content. So, to be told that I was addicted to sugar just didn’t resonate.
If a professional tells you that and you don’t believe it, guess what… you have an Addiction.
My kind, beautiful, patient, empathetic and loving Medical Nutritionist – Jacinta Harding – put a book in front of me. Sweet Poison by David Gillespie. Right at the beginning it talks about what sugars make-up foods that you don’t think of in sugar content thingies. Bugger me if it didn’t plonk my on my ass. I realised, without a skerrick of a doubt: I was addicted to sugar.
You see, even though I don’t consume all the traditional sugar products, the biggest dawning was how my body converted everything else I ate into sugar. Jacinta told me to take the road of gluten free and dairy free. I dropped six kilos in six weeks. I got into my favourite pair of 501’s yesterday after 10 years of having them in the cupboard saying I’ll get back into them one day.
Hallelujah, the day is here.
When I started taking gluten out of my diet (I’d already done the dairy), I had a headache for a month. 9pm was the hardest part of the day for me, fanging for something to eat. My body was kicking the habit and it didn’t like it.
So, please note, even with the headache, I hadn’t connected to the sugar addiction. What helped the addiction land… emotional shit.
Last week I was sitting at home on Friday night and the internal dialogue was going off the Richter Scale. I was giving myself a serious uppercut about a pattern of behaviour that came into my awareness about why I do things to get rejection to walk up to me, punch me in the face, turn and walk slowly away while I try to stop the blood from pouring down my front. So, I do what every self-hating person does, get on facebook and type on a smart phone like I’ve been possessed and virtually have a spew at myself, but send it to my BFF in Colorado. Then after hitting the go button and watching the tv again, I get another flash of the blinding obvious that had never occurred to me until that very moment. I have been a Reiki practitioner for 4.5 years and a self-employed social media communications specialist for 3.95 of those years. I have helped hundreds of people…. all over the world… and my family….none of them – have ever once recommended me to anyone. Ever.
Well, that just had to head of in another demon typed message to the BFF.
Lucky for me, she didn’t see them over the weekend and we go to talk about it on my Monday. When we got to talk about it, the addiction thing finally hit.
You see while I was going through every rejection thing I could remember, at 9pm, Godzilla time, I went to the fridge, got a wheel of French Camembert and a bottle of Red Wine, opened them both and headed back to the TV. I polished off half the wheel of Camembert and half the wine before I felt profoundly sick. I went to bed depressed. I was an emotional eater. Fuck it.
So, eating dairy and gluten, and the way my body converts it to sugar, is my emotional aspect of the sugar addiction. The sour that the rejection feelings were putting in my life had to be sweetened up with the food that is no good for my body.
Thanks to that wine and cheese and all the different levels of rejection I was trying to yank into my day, made me realise that I still had a bit of work to do about being allowed to be FABULOUS.
I did a Reiki on myself and whoa, if you’d have read how my dead people spoke to me about my incessant need to remind myself of things from the past which were stopping me from enjoying my AMAZING life in my today, you would be sitting there squinting waiting for me to spontaneously combust.
Good news peeps, I made it through. I had a dawning on so many things on Monday and this week has been unbelievably sensational. I am free of the grip of addiction because I am in awareness. I get it. I am completely FABULOUS and all the people I have in my life that I want to be there, that are there, that adore me as much as I adore them are right where they should be. The ones I’ve released, have created a whole heap of room for some more FABULOUS people.
So, thank you for reading. Please do share with anyone and everyone that you think might benefit from my experience.
We go through what we go through to help others go through what we’ve been through.
Love and everything fabulous