Why hygiene comes into question... - Amanda Foy

Why hygiene comes into question…

So, I’ve like had two babies and cleaned endless amounts of poo and vomit off small humans and surface areas in the last 10 years. My gag reflex stopped working, or so I thought, about 8 years ago, until two days ago when I walked through the shopping centre to get the weekly groceries.

My breath caught in my throat so fast I had to look at who had just walked passed, because clearly I wasn’t paying attention, because little did I realise someone had just walked passed me that had to be coated in vomit and poo and also just returned from a six month living it rough in a camp site stint of National Geographic mud studies in Lake Eyre.

No.

It was a man of about 24 in clean board shorts and singlet top.  

Dude…. are you trying out the new pheromone concept instead of deodorant, because you know, like, we are in a first world country that has shops dedicated to smells that WORK.



Sometime ago, if you recall my blog Why people who stink and swear are cool, I think it’s just dawned on me on what the problem is…

This is twice now in the same shopping complex. Clearly, I need to find somewhere else to shop.  So you see, it’s not my nose’s fault for being a finely tuned FFS HAVE A BATH mode it exists in.  

It’s the shopping centre’s fault.  Blame sorted 🙂

My struggle is: 

HOW CAN SOMEONE BE OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT THEY SMELL LIKE DEATH ROLLED UP IN A CARCASS THAT HAS BEEN LYING IN THE SUN FOR SEVEN DAYS BLOATING AND FORMING ENOUGH NOXIOUS GAS TO SUSTAIN A SMALL VILLAGE OF 3000?

What does one do, in society, when one doesn’t want to cause offense by stating the blatantly obvious, but again, allows the hideousness of someone’s body odour to pervade ever living atom of fresh air.  

Really, what does one do?

Is that turning the other cheek thing required?  

Is the going straight to compassion because the stinker is unaware of the quantity of stinkees because somewhere the smell has put the stinkers senses into a state of nescience?

Do you say something?  

Do you gag, grab your shirt to your mouth breathing as shallowly as possible through a clutch of fabric, glare, grab your family chicken and snatch the trolley in the other direction driving it with your knees so you don’t have to let go of your shirt least you aren’t far enough away and a little gag noise comes out again.  Because, you know, once gagging starts, that’s just as bad as the yawn and the chain reaction that goes with that.

Did you just yawn? I did.

5 Comments

  1. So singing “Louis the Fly” just loud enough to be heard is completely out of the question? Probably, because singing requires breathing.

    Personally I don’t use commercial deodorants, but I do use tea tree oil, which does a similar thing to mitigate my aroma. 🙂

    • Ha! That’s interesting Pauline, tea tree oil is a strong smell, but I can’t say I’ve smelt it anytime we’ve met in real life. COOL!

  2. You already know my feelings about soap and deodorants. I don’t use them. I don’t need to.

    Though we are smack bang in the middle of another QLD summer. What’s wrong people? It’s illegal to build a home sans bathroom, so i’m assuming supply isn’t the problem.

    Do you not understand the social convention surrounding bathing? Here’s a simple shower tip for ya. Have one. You dirty stinking ass hat. FFS, this is one of my pet hates.

    We live in a country so abundant in water resources, we use good clean drinking water to flush our toilets and yet some our population can’t seem to manage a shower or two a day.

    Why?? are you making some kind of conscientious sympathy vote for the people on our planet who are without this precious resource?

    There are two ends to a day my friend, bathing should be performed at both of them.

    Forget being subtle with someone so stupid, they dont know they stink. Walk up to him and say “My friend Rod, said you’re a stinky prick who should lose all your CentreLink benefits until you can prove you know your place in our first world society”

    Don’t spray anything Pauline, Grab the fire hose off the wall and drown this wretch lest he steal more of your air.

    /rant

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