Why do we focus on the negative so quickly? - Amanda Foy

Why do we focus on the negative so quickly?

Is it like some part of your brain has gone – “see, I told you, everything and everyone sucks, you were right”…?

I follow a funny page on FB called Jus’ Sayin – there are 394, 514 likes and 643,220 people talking about this on this page.  In the social media industry, these statistics are not gold, they are kryptonite. 

Today though, “because of a few people I’m going to take a break on all posting.”

How I wish I knew this lady in real life?  First thing out of my mouth would be “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

We are so quick to allow one or two negatives to rip the glowing joy of positives from our life.  

Why do we do that?  What inherent genetic trait to we have that pervades our core being that we allow the smallest quantity of ‘hate’ to ruin everything for us?

I’m here to say stop it.  Look at the stats of your every day.  Stop destroying your happiness by ALLOWING the negative to yank it away.  You are allowing it, nothing else.

I’m not saying to you don’t be disappointed – sure, be disappointed and feel let down and sad that someone has presented in your life the way they have.

Remember though, their reaction says everything about them and nothing about you if you have done something or are providing something because it’s your passion or what makes your heart sing.

You set the volume of the singing – not someone else.


  1. Hi Amanda,

    You are so correct, but few people have that sort of emotional resilience naturally. And that is exactly the reason that I say everyone should be able to tap. She’d be over it and back to posting in less than 5 minutes.

    • Madonna, you should send her a message and let her know about it. She might just listen 🙂

  2. Aleabon

    Great post amanda! Hey how does your gratitude jar work? Everytime you are grateful for something/someone etc write and pop in jar? Is this meant to be a daily thing?

    • Hi Alisa,
      Everytime you have a win, so if you find a little bit of money, or the boys say something that makes you feel lovely, or a you get a bargain at the shops. Anything you are not expecting and it makes you feel good. That’s what you put into the jar. You use post-its so that you can fit hundreds in by the end of the year.

      So today, I was able to go and get my hair done and a pedicure because Nanny said she would look after the kids so I could have some time to myself. That is something I will put into the jar AND that the hairdresser was able to match my natural colour will be another one 🙂

  3. I read a slightly similar one recently “because some people are correcting my spelling or saying what I’m posting isn’t exactly the way they do it, or could use refinements (I’m paraphrasing) I’m going to stop reading all replies”.

    One one hand, I applaud this lady for deciding she’s not even going to read the replies. Good for you – that’s certainly the way to reduce frustration and avoid taking on negativity. On the other hand, you also miss all those people saying “thanks, I needed that” or even those little corrections (I personally like to improve my spelling and grammar, but hey, that could just be me lol) or an opportunity to explore your subject with the refinements that others suggest. Is this an opportunity for a discussion? Or is it just that you are concentrating on getting that volume of message out there?

    That’s fair enough, if you have your set message and you want to get that out there, good for you! Go for it. If you’d like to encourage interaction and conversation, that might be a good thing too.

    I once read that on facebook, having likes isn’t really that valuable unless you have engagement, and to me, saying that you’re no longer going to read the comments means you are no longer interested in what your audience has to say… you’re no longer interested in interaction and meaningful discussion, you’re the person with the knowledge and the likers should absorb it.

    Maybe this lady had just had a bad day and had had enough (and sometimes that happens to the best of us – all the ladies here know that lol) and just needed a break. I hope that’s it, and she’s able to get back into it soon.

    It’s a hard lesson, one I have trouble absorbing, but hey, you gotta keep working on keeping your light shining… the darkness doesn’t go away, does it?

    Great post, again.

    • Thanks Pauline – I’m hoping she was just having a hard day too and she had her feeling let down and then all the positive responses helped her get back up again.

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