Captain Mike has been a friend on Facebook for a while, he doesn’t comment often, but today he did and I’m so grateful. Today I am going to talk to you about standing up for yourself and the law of attraction.
Firstly, I would like to speak of the concept of surrender. This concept was given to me years ago by one of my greatest teachers Dr Ian G. Maitland.
He taught me about Bless, Forgive, Surrender.
It was like a life time of fighting to be heard and acknowledged just fell away from my being and I got to relax. Finally.
Surrender is where you do hand it over to the Universe. It is agreeing that you, in your human form, cannot change what is in front of you or showing up, so you surrender to that fact and release yourself from the binds of trying to rectify to YOUR conditions around the situation.
I encourage you to try it and let me know what sense of relief you enjoyed when you did surrender.
Usually what happens, and what has happened in my experience ever since I learned the gift of surrender, is that what I surrender too changes and an outcome ensues.
So, let’s get onto the AHA. Since December of last year, I was thrown back into an arena that I turned my back on back in 2012 because I realised that with no amount of trying to fit in, I just didn’t. I was in chronic people pleasing mode from 2011, because I was so desperate to fit in, for so many many reasons, that I ended up completely ignoring my inner knowing, gut feeling and messages from the people involved and more the messages from my soulcamp to stop going in that direction.
I kept going and very bad things came about. Bad things continue to show up as a result. The lesson here has been significant and I can declare from the bottom of my soul that my people pleasing days are well and truly over.
Now, to give you a quick breakdown of my journey with spirituality. It’s been part of the journey to get to forgiveness, to see the challenge as a gift because of what it is teaching you, release and heal, release and heal, release and heal, compassion for those stuck in their own story etc.
This mixed in with my natural state of being, which has been to walk away from conflict, or be the peace keeper, and in my ultimate walk away, flying for 24 hours to go and live in a completely different country, as far away from the life I’d known as possible.
I hate confrontation, and my experience has been that any time I have ever spoken up in my truth, after being compliant for the longest time, and respecting other people’s belief systems, or ways – of which I am a savant – that it has never ended well for me. The people burring up or attacking my position rather than repaying the favour to let me have my view has never manifested.
You see, what I have learned is my fear of confrontation, which is short lived, you know, you get out your frustrations and you move on. A small amount of pain that I avoided makes for a longer journey around the block. A block that keeps getting a new corner that you didn’t see from the bottom of the hill.
Look what happened with James Packer and David Gyngell yesterday – they belted each other up and now they are friends again. It’s that big a deal that the Courier Mail has dedicated from page 2-6 about it… wonder if the papers put a premium on the ads for those pages over night? Wonder when the conspiracy people will show up to point out that their businesses needed some media attention or paper sales were low. You know James didn’t drop his mobile phone once during the melee? I know right?
Anyway, back to me…. I take full responsibility for my fear of confrontation and the outcome that has always ensued, and have worked tirelessly on not taking someone else’s spew at me personally. It has cost me jobs in the past as well. Something else I can join the dots back with.
On the weekend my husband and I took our children for a drive and stopped at Corinda to get some morning tea. On the way back to the car, this old man got out of the car he parked beside ours and flung his door open that hard it hit my husbands car that I heard it. When I got to the door I saw the giant white mark and said, you just hit our car and left a whopping great mark. “No I didn’t, my door wouldn’t reach that far.” With a tsk he opened his door and sure enough it was from his door and he shrugged and said “oh well”. I was rendered speechless, and my husband got involved, and it was ended with the old man saying “well I can’t do anything about it”. It just looked like a paint mark and my husband could polish it out.
I got in the car to leave seething and started to go into my “people suck” mindset. To throw a gross generalisation into everything, ‘people these days never take responsibility for anything’.
Well guess what, I was taking responsibility. I was sitting there in my seething silence asking why there is a mindset that I attracted that into my life? What do I have to do to have the opposite situation show up? I even said out aloud to my lovey, that we will just have to go and live in the bush so no one can park near our car.
Hilarity ensued in my mind, because he hadn’t been listening to my internal seething and looked at me like I’d just grown a rhino horn out of my forehead. Poor love.
So, I whinge about it on my facebook page, and state that my positive outcome is that I will build a shopping village with big car spaces so old people can fling their door far and wide and have a picnic beside their cars and still not interfere with another’s property and Captain Mike pipes up with his comment about respect, at which I finally say out aloud (in public) about what’s my responsibility that these people keep showing up and getting away with really poor behaviour.
My AHA landed….this keeps repeating itself in my life, and has done for years and years and years because I have NEVER stood up for myself. I have never said, no I do not accept your response, this is what will work for me, how are we going to get this thing to be mutually beneficial.
I am the person who got it all wrong about turning the other cheek. I am the person who I can now look clearly in the mirror and say that I have empowered every bully that has ever shown up in my life because I am an easy target.
So, that brings me to my final conclusion of “you have to decide whether you want to fight to be right, or fight to be effective”.
Bless forgive and surrender is still a very important part of my inner harmony.
The gift the old man gave me, and in turn Captain Mike is that standing up for oneself is all I have to do to break the patterns. It’s all I have to do to make sure that I stop being a someone that attracts “bad situations”.
Don’t get me wrong, bad situations will continue to show up, that’s life. What I can do is make the conscious choice to stick up for myself. I can finally make peace with fighting to be right or fighting to be effective.
I did not help that old man who didn’t give a shit about our car at all by letting him get away with it. I should have asked for his details and insist that we would be getting a quote to have it fixed and he would be paying for it. Maybe, just maybe that would mean next time he got out of his car, he would take more care with what was beside it. Instead of standing up for myself, I quite possibly empowered that old man to sign his impending doom. You know, by me letting him shrug his shoulders and go oh well? What if he now does it again to someone who had no respect for an old person and he gets punched or shoved to the ground, breaks his hip, gets put into an old people’s home and dies prematurely…. sigh… I’ll think about that tomorrow.
Here’s the big message: when we put ourselves first it is in everyone highest and greatest good. It’s not up to you to wonder what the other person’s highest and greatest good is – that’s between them and their universe – it’s just up to you to make sure that you are operating out of a place of power for yourself.
Yesterday I started positive actions to start standing up for myself. I can do it my way and I will bless, forgive and surrender to the lesson because at 43, there’s no better time for me to value me than now. I sincerely encourage you to do the same. Even if you are reading this and you are 73, there is no better time than now.
Has this helped understand the balance between standing up for yourself and maintaining a practical spiritual existence?
You are welcome to leave a comment if you have a life event you wish to share or any AHA’s you may have had.
Yours in emotional strength