Why Mother's Day 2015 will be so much better - Amanda Foy

Why Mother’s Day 2015 will be so much better

Mother’s Day has been and gone for 2014. I am one of the lucky ones. I am one of those women whose husband and children make sure I don’t lift a finger during the day and everything is about me.

When I got back online on Monday, the pain some women go through on Mother’s Day is significant. It got me thinking so deeply after spending an hour with a girlfriend in tears because of how diminished she felt on the day.

Here’s some tips that are typed with as much love and compassion as I can muster in the hope that something resonates and helps you cope better next year.

  1. There is nothing more sad or glorious than a generation changing hands. If you are the only mother to be honoured on Mother’s Day in your family instead of two or three, then it’s your turn. Let your children and your husband cherish you for all they love you for, after all, you are the one still here living your life.
  2. If you are a woman who has been blessed with children do not diminish that blessing to save the feelings of someone who isn’t. Provide compassion and understanding for any pain they may be suffering by knowing that their journey isn’t your responsibility. A loving hug and a kiss with a compassionate ear, but no advice is the best you can offer, even if you should happen to hear “it’s ok for you, at least you’ve got kids.” That’s when you hug again and offer a cuppa, but still no words, they are just in pain and you are a safe place for them to land. If this is too hard for you, then you just communicate your boundaries and that you might not be the best person to express their pain to.
  3. Open and honest communication. Tell those around you what you would like for 2015. If you have gone year after year after year of being disappointed with the effort or lack there of, then it’s time to speak up, drop hints, leave a check list out and with plenty of time. You’ll only have to do it once and they’ll know for next year, because you will be spending the next 48 hours thanking them for the best Mother’s Day ever and you can’t wait until next year.
  4. If there’s more than one mother to treasure, than use the Saturday to honour the mother’s not living in your home and Sunday just for you.
  5. Mark Mother’s Day on the Calendar with big arrows of “don’t double book”.
  6. You have a husband who utters those magic words “you aren’t my mother”, yet you have birthed his children, there is never a better time than now to discuss the legacy he is creating by not honouring the Goddess of the household. You know, the one who can give life AND take it away, but chooses not to. Yeah her. She will also be involved in the non-event Father’s Day rapidly approaching in September.
  7. If you have had years of never being honoured in your home, then it’s a case of finally going into acceptance that it’s never going to happen and all you do is rob yourself of a day of happiness by focusing on something that is never going to change, so you plan a day for yourself. Book yourself into a hotel even and wake up to room service – which is breakfast in bed and then head to the day spa, the movies or a spot of shopping.

The biggest thing you can do, if you have been waiting to be honoured is to just honour yourself, you’ll never need it from anyone else if you have got a handle on it for you.

Love yourself enough to know that Mother’s Day can be your special day where you enjoy your own company. Better yet, if you have a girlfriend who goes through the same thing as you, then organise a weekend away with her. AMANDA_HiRes

Our expectation of others is the single greatest thing to lead to disappointment. When you expect nothing and get nothing then you are free to do what you want.

Don’t think I am being la-la for one moment about this putting yourself first. It may be 2015 is the year that you do do something for yourself and those around you who have never cut the mustard, standing there, holding their wilting chrysanthemums with the dinner plate eyes of “where ya going?”, learning the consequence of never going to any trouble.

Two things will happen, they will step up to the plate in 2016 or they’ll keep doing the same thing, in which case you won’t give a toss because 2016 is 4 days in Fiji at a resort with unlimited cocktails and ex Fiji footballers giving free massages…

Naturally, to those women who have lost children, I won’t even begin to try to understand your pain and all my spare love and thoughts go to you. Life has dealt you the cruelest blow and no one would begrudge you whatever you need to do to get through the day.

To any woman reading this, I wish for you the Mother’s Day of your dreams in 2015. If you have any scenarios you would like a hand with for next year, please leave it in the comments here on the blog or in the comments on the facebook posts.

4 Comments

  1. I was having an awesome Mother’s Day and then I read a post by someone who set me back: my Mum has passed, my step-Mum away on a holiday of a lifetime to Canada and in the past year my ex-Mother-in-law has made up the most horrific stories to justify me leaving her abusive son and I got a little indignant! I became the mother to my Mum during her divorce and ensuing years of depression, as a young teenager I was the sole support for my step-Mum and her suicidal depression and then I gave my all to support my Mother-In-Law to my own loss of time and affection from my babies to have her falsely accuse me of abusing my children and try to take them away from me… I saw friends with diamond rings and pearl earrings and breakfasts out and dinners cooked and I felt desperately sad that my ex-husband with all his narcissistic cruelty and manipulation couldn’t just take a break for 5 mins to thank me for giving birth and nurturing his children, despite the pain he has put us through. And then I stopped and decided to take stock of what I was grateful for: my babies cooked me breakfasts from a recipe they researched on the web (not the 2 hours it took me to clean up!), the gifts they hand made (not the diamond ring I desperately wanted), the love they bestowed on my (even though their father has told them they have to hate me). I feel lucky I am mostly free of the abuse and hatred that has permeated my life as a Mother, I feel blessed that I have the most loving children, despite all the terrible things their father says about me…
    I realised I can choose to dwell on the pain, or focus on all the good! And lets face it 2015 will just be infinitely better!!!

    • Wow Steph, that is a huge effort to get through every mother’s day. I encourage you to join the dots to see the patterns and then set the intention that the patterns or events never show up or are repeated in your life or your children’s. I hope you have done the work with uttering the words out aloud about feeling ripped off for what you have had to experience which allows you to truly stay in the gratitude of where you are now. Yes 2015 will be so much better – the kids will be older – they can clean up after breakfast 🙂

  2. Di

    Wow what a beautiful compassionate post Amanda. Relationships and significant celebrations can and do stir up so much for so many…learning to take self care and learning the art of forgiveness and gratitude have helped over many bumps in life. Cheers Di

    • Thanks so much for your consistent support Di. x

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