Mother’s Day has been and gone for 2014. I am one of the lucky ones. I am one of those women whose husband and children make sure I don’t lift a finger during the day and everything is about me.
When I got back online on Monday, the pain some women go through on Mother’s Day is significant. It got me thinking so deeply after spending an hour with a girlfriend in tears because of how diminished she felt on the day.
Here’s some tips that are typed with as much love and compassion as I can muster in the hope that something resonates and helps you cope better next year.
- There is nothing more sad or glorious than a generation changing hands. If you are the only mother to be honoured on Mother’s Day in your family instead of two or three, then it’s your turn. Let your children and your husband cherish you for all they love you for, after all, you are the one still here living your life.
- If you are a woman who has been blessed with children do not diminish that blessing to save the feelings of someone who isn’t. Provide compassion and understanding for any pain they may be suffering by knowing that their journey isn’t your responsibility. A loving hug and a kiss with a compassionate ear, but no advice is the best you can offer, even if you should happen to hear “it’s ok for you, at least you’ve got kids.” That’s when you hug again and offer a cuppa, but still no words, they are just in pain and you are a safe place for them to land. If this is too hard for you, then you just communicate your boundaries and that you might not be the best person to express their pain to.
- Open and honest communication. Tell those around you what you would like for 2015. If you have gone year after year after year of being disappointed with the effort or lack there of, then it’s time to speak up, drop hints, leave a check list out and with plenty of time. You’ll only have to do it once and they’ll know for next year, because you will be spending the next 48 hours thanking them for the best Mother’s Day ever and you can’t wait until next year.
- If there’s more than one mother to treasure, than use the Saturday to honour the mother’s not living in your home and Sunday just for you.
- Mark Mother’s Day on the Calendar with big arrows of “don’t double book”.
- You have a husband who utters those magic words “you aren’t my mother”, yet you have birthed his children, there is never a better time than now to discuss the legacy he is creating by not honouring the Goddess of the household. You know, the one who can give life AND take it away, but chooses not to. Yeah her. She will also be involved in the non-event Father’s Day rapidly approaching in September.
- If you have had years of never being honoured in your home, then it’s a case of finally going into acceptance that it’s never going to happen and all you do is rob yourself of a day of happiness by focusing on something that is never going to change, so you plan a day for yourself. Book yourself into a hotel even and wake up to room service – which is breakfast in bed and then head to the day spa, the movies or a spot of shopping.
The biggest thing you can do, if you have been waiting to be honoured is to just honour yourself, you’ll never need it from anyone else if you have got a handle on it for you.
Love yourself enough to know that Mother’s Day can be your special day where you enjoy your own company. Better yet, if you have a girlfriend who goes through the same thing as you, then organise a weekend away with her.
Our expectation of others is the single greatest thing to lead to disappointment. When you expect nothing and get nothing then you are free to do what you want.
Don’t think I am being la-la for one moment about this putting yourself first. It may be 2015 is the year that you do do something for yourself and those around you who have never cut the mustard, standing there, holding their wilting chrysanthemums with the dinner plate eyes of “where ya going?”, learning the consequence of never going to any trouble.
Two things will happen, they will step up to the plate in 2016 or they’ll keep doing the same thing, in which case you won’t give a toss because 2016 is 4 days in Fiji at a resort with unlimited cocktails and ex Fiji footballers giving free massages…
Naturally, to those women who have lost children, I won’t even begin to try to understand your pain and all my spare love and thoughts go to you. Life has dealt you the cruelest blow and no one would begrudge you whatever you need to do to get through the day.
To any woman reading this, I wish for you the Mother’s Day of your dreams in 2015. If you have any scenarios you would like a hand with for next year, please leave it in the comments here on the blog or in the comments on the facebook posts.